I hope your tree turns out lovely too! It is nice to feel a bit like a kid again and maybe just a tad bit innocent still too. Maybe karma is visiting your H just a little even though I too believe he is trying. Did you peek on Hope 4 us' thread?
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
"close friend are telling me "get ovet this, stoo asking about the A, her, forget it etc". And I try.But it's not healthy, it eats me up inside. It's something I NEED."
So.. you need to hear it? Is that what you really think? What would you "do" with the knowledge? I understand you want the "pictures".. I will assure you they will do you "no good". Based on my assumption of who you are and the "thoughts" you have posted here.. I disagree.
We want.. what we can't have. And at times it can consume you.
Your "H" is the "player" in every word you write. As you have said.. he payed attention when he was being "played".
You stopped playing the game Maria.
Prepare.. Protect.
"When he got ready to leave, he came to me, grabbed me, and gave me a passionate kiss. Caught me by surprise. I didnt get excited or anything, it was more like "what the heck is going on?" and I think he got "bad" vibes from me, which wasnt my intention, I was just shocked. I tried to smooth that out by hugging him tighter but... I didnt feel anything."
Looking back.. what should you have done? He like the surprise kisses. He is looking at the "reaction".
Last edited by Forrest Gump; 12/07/0905:06 AM.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Kat, I read Hope4us thread. I can see why you wanted me to read it.
FG, what should I prepare/protect for? You are getting me worried... Looking back, IF I had felt "sexy" I would have kissed him back, teased him and would have given him something to think about...
I need to start playing again. You are right. It's hard though. Everything that happens feels sooooooo important right now. You know? I am constantly looking for evidence of his love, proof that he is cheating, questioning his motives, doubting his intentions, wondering if he means what he says/does, etc etc... Will need to distance myself without "distancing myself". Tricky... K
"IF I had felt "sexy" I would have kissed him back, teased him...."
You have to feel SEXY to kiss him? I see that as the other way around. When I fancy someone, I KNOW I want to kiss them, you can generally tell. And when you kiss them, it makes you feel sexy and like having sex.. What you said sounded a bit - cart before horse!? And did you really feel nothing??
What you describe above about distancing yourself sounds to me like - giving someone the benefit of the doubt. I guess you have to try and banish the negative thoughts, the what-ifs and all that, but you do need him to do more to reassure you. I have full access to my bf's phone and he reads his emails in front of me, for example. He says he is happy to, because he can't bear for me to feel worried or insecure and he doesnt want there to be an unfair balance in the R, that he has more power/security. Perhaps you can try and impress that on H again, that in these situations you need to do MORE than a 'normal' R, to repair trust?
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Though of course this is a serious period, it is time to give a bit of slack and play a little. I find myself there as well. Maybe I am a bit of Benjamin button myself...a serious child, older than her years and as she gets older, stays older. but if Benjamin is to rub off...I need to play a bit, not be so serious, stop over thinking and over analyzing.
Maybe we are in the same boat there. If you keep rethinking the hurt, how will you ever heal?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hi girls, the hurt will hopefully fade. It has to. If it continues like this, hmm, I dont think it is worth it cause I wont be able to enjoy anything.
Ali, I need to feel sexy a little bit, be in the mood, you know, I need some warm up period, at least I need to think about it for a second or two -LOL before I act, you know?
So, H missed his apt today again to the doctor. Which pissed me off. And I told him, it's been 2 months and the doc said it was imperative to redo the tests in a month because he could be damaging his kindey. I asked him how can he play with that possibility?
He called and said he went anyway, waited till there was an opening had the test and he is...stone FREE!!!! Maybe, just maybe, I should start thinking about him in another way K
Good news about H, Maria. I guess all systems are go now (for him anyways). You have a few other issues to deal with (womwan issues I think somebody called them). You know the audi and the other items on the list. That was a "things he needs to do to regain my confidence" list. Anyhow, the stars seem to be aligning themselves...car trouble on the weekend...followed by an attempted passionate kiss...followed by stone free....VS lingerie in drawere and perhaps more to come soon....holidays approaching...this has all the makings of a nice ending. And a new beginning in 2010.
I still can't understand why you can't "do it" with a kidney stone unless you are in so much pain the act itself never crosses your mind? hey ho I am not a Dr. but that is great news then, so lets see what happens. Not so sure its the hurt that's the stumbling block as the loss or lack of trust. Trust takes time to rebuild and not sure how you speed up that process? I am sure others will know.
Repairing trust is the responsibility of the party that broke it in the first place. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to understand that concept. He knows that he destroyed his integrity but doesn't have the tools to start building it again. That is where a C would be able to help him.
I forget K, did you say he won't go to a C or is he just leaving it up to you to find one? He really needs IC and you need MC together. Since it's not very widely practiced in Greece it makes it more difficult, but not impossible.
You have made your needs and wants clear. What he chooses to do with that information will pretty much determine how invested he is in repairing the M.
Just my opinion of course......
(((((((((((((((Maria))))))))))))))
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
He said he wants to go by himself to the one he started going to last year. Who is my C. But she doesn't seem to be FOR our M after she found about the lies H told her and me... Anyway, I think any kind of help will be good for him but not necessarily good for US.
Repairing trust is hard and will take a long long time. I see signs that he wants to but prefers to pretend things just didnt happen. K