feel like giving up - talk to me!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

wow G, I'm really impressed with all your advice. and I am so glad you didn't hold back a few pages ago, because I agree that Luv, you are overreacting.

BUT, it is because of your bitterness. When I let go of my bitterness, my expectations, and stopped looking to H to make me happy, and to hold my self worth, THAT is when my bitterness left, and THAT is when I noticed those little annoying things weren't annoying anymore. My outlook changed.

You need to let go of those expectations, and this is possibly one of the reasons for this new breakdown in the R. (he is part of it too, but I don't know the whole story). No matter if the M is doing good, you cannot keep expecations. DB is for life. And loving is loving without receiving. Yes, we want to receive love, but we love unconditionally, or we should.

Also, at some point, when you have taken that break and relaxed and are able to reflect... you need to also think about how you may be hurting him. lets say the dinner out for ex. he spent a lot of money, and perhaps he was doing this to try to fix things, or make things better. perhaps you were still bitter (which I know you were) and your appearance, your hand and facial expressions showed discontent and therefore his trying failed.

this is just an example, and I have no idea what he's thinking, but there is a cycle, and as G said, someone needs to break it, and your the one here. And it is SO wonderful that you are here! You have the chance to have the most wonderful M you can ever have! I am a testimony!

Look at it this way, I asked about if you had read For Women Only, and the 5LLs books. This will help explain what I was saying above. Your H is doing things, or keeping things from you and you are extremely hurt by it. Now lets just say you do the exact same thing to him, and it doesn't make that big a deal to him. However, you choose to say no to ML, or you don't do his laundry or whatever it is, perhaps that hurts him much, but if he did that to you, you wouldn't care.

We all talk in different love languages, so somethings we do to one person will extremely hurt them, while it will do nothing for someone else. As well as the reverse...something we do can greatly show love to someone, while doing the same exact thing to another shows nothing.

does this make sense? my point is that, you could unconsciously be doing the same thing to your husband as he is doing to you, but the things your doing to him wouldn't bother you so you don't realize he may be hurting from them.

I did the same thing with my H. his top 5LL was quality time. that's my last one. so whenever I'm on here all night he is really hurt (he won't tell me though, he just gets mad, so then I get hurt and upset...notice a cycle?) But see, if he did that to me, like when he watches his football games, I could care less.

soooooo, after the huge lecture! how are you? and have you started on any of the 6 items G wants you to do? You really do need to listen to him, it will make a difference, and although you need to force yourself, it will only help, not harm, and if you stay where you are, you will find harm. It's okay to be depressed, or have feelings, it's what you do with them and after that matters.