Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

Yes, I have seen a lawyer--last week. She said to wait until he files or stops financial support.

He doesn't need to pay tuition for next school year yet. So why the rush to discuss $$. I'm going to see what NC does. He needs to pay for my tuition too. He already saw a lawyer and should know that he will be keeping the kids at the same standard of living. He can afford it. He just feels entitled to live like the executive he is and shouldn't have to make any sacrifices. He walked out on us and chose OW.

I'm going to sleep on this to decide whether to respond. Hope I can sleep. Got me ticked off!

[newmama]

Got you ticked off? Did you say you have anger issues? Did P17 say your WH WANTS to make you angry? It is clear to me now--he wants your attention, just like how kids who are ignored will be grateful for any kind of attention from parents so they act naughty to get a rise from their parents--or bug their sibling--

think about it. He wants to piss you off so you will respond to him!

[Day by Day]

Aha! Yep. So he'll probably ramp it up if I keep with NC. Oh, this will be tough. Very tough. I'm worried too though. I'm sick of his abuse and manipulation.

I won't go through mediation. I'll have my own lawyer.

[newmama]

I wonder what happens after they get really mad? I think cutterbug explained it in P17's thread. I am always scared that anger will propel them to file for D. But I am a conflict avoider! Lucky for you, it doesn't sound like you are! So are you able to face that possibility?

[Day by Day]

I think he is really "in love" with OW. And he wants to avoid a costly divorce.

I am afraid of his anger to hurt me more emotionally and to propel him into filing for D. I'm a conflict avoider too. I'd have to face the possibility anyhow. Oh I hate this.

[Day by Day]

The kids just told me he is TM them a lot more now. This is a change. Good? Bad? Don't know what's going through his head.

They say they haven't really cared to respond or even want to be bothered with spending time with him. They'd rather be working on homework. Today they spend the evening with him but are asking not to. I've let them know they have to spend it with him anyway.

[Day by Day]

I'm feeling my WAH is DONE. Has anyone DB'd a sitch like mine? I think his mind is made up and there's no turning back.

I spoke with the MC and she has said I'm looking for a miracle. And to really consider if I really want him back and to think of what it would look like.

Feeling hopeless.

[MHL]

DBD,
Do you still love him? Do you want the marriage to work still? Don't give up, you are in a bad place right now, we all have been there. You need people that are going to support you in what you want. Is this MC in tune with what you want. They have given up on your marriage based on their experiences or the experiences of others.
If it is any comfort, I too am having a not so great day, but we work through it and do something else to get the WAS and the sitch off our minds. Do you feel like you have been DBing long enough to make a difference yet?
If not then there is hope.
Sending you lots of hugs, hang in there it will get better.

[newmama]

Why not call the DB coach? Sure, it's $300+ for 3 sessions but you are in an urgent situation. They offer more than hope, they give you strategies. People on here are doing their own thing; we aren't trained in Michele's techniques.

BTW IT IS NOT HOPELESS! MOST WSs threaten divorce...usually the BSs divorce first!

[Day by Day]

Thank you missherlove and newmama. I really need the support.

Right now I can't afford DB coaching. I just paid for a consultation with a lawyer. I'm going to try get a consultation w DB coach very soon. I really hope it will help because everyone else is telling me it is hopeless.