I need help please

[bestraongforyou]

Back to finding out the truth - I have read so many stories about infidelity over the last few months - and they all seee to follow the same pattern - my story seems to be the odd one out and I want to find out why.

Usually this is how it works:

- WS has affair (PA or EA) - BS either finds out or WS confesses(not as common) - either WS moves out and continues affair with OP or WS stops affair, is remorseful and starts recovery with BS.
In some cases WS starts false recovery with BS while still having taken the affair underground.

Now my story:

WS(?) tells BS how unhappy he is and threatens separation because of money / business isssues - WS(?) tells BS about close friendship with co-worker but denies any affair with her or anyone else - BS becomes suspicious but has no proof - 4 weeks later WS(?) declares himself "separated" and takes wedding ring off but still wants to "date" BS to see if he can rekindle anything between them - BS can't let go of suspiscion of affair with co-worker but still has no proof - again 4 weeks later WS(?) separates for good from BS and is planning on telling the kids.6 days after separation BS sends PI over to WS(?) and finds him on what looks like his first date with another woman which is not the co-worker. BS confronts WS and he denies dating the woman - he says she is potential tenant for his flat - again 4 weeks later BS loggs into IM of WS and confirms that they are in fact dating - BS doesn't confront WS - 1 week later WS asks BS for another go - again dating only, no reconciliation - BS can see on his IM that the dating seems to be over with the other woman but they still talk as friends - BS is waiting for WS to confess about his dating - he doesn't and continues to say he never dated anyone - last try between BS and Ws comes to an end as BS can't handle the lies - a few days later BS finally tells WS that she knew about his dating all along and WS completly blows up - and never wants to reconcile again - probably because BS was for the first time able to proof his lies.

And that's the reason I am looking for the truth - from day 1 on WS showed all signs of a typical cheater - he read from the same WS script as everyone else - I want to know why the first affair ended and why he chose to date woman number 2 instead of reconciling with me.I also want to know why affair number 2 ended so quickly.

[newmama]

bestrong, how is your WS different from
.
In some cases WS starts false recovery with BS while still having taken the affair underground. add affair plural. As for affair #2 ending so quickly, some relationships just do.

I have seen WS wanting to date BS while separated when the BS DIDN'T KNOW the reason for separation was because of an affair. I think this is closest to your case.

Also do you think your WH is going through a MLC?

[bestraongforyou]

But that's the problem I have - if an affair was the reason for our separation should the PI not have found him with OW1? OW2 only came into the picture after our split and I don't think she was the reason at all.

I am so sure he already cheated in April and we only separated in June - and I am so sure it was not OW2 in April - so what the heck happened to OW1? I was devastated when the PI found OW2 because from that moment on nothing made sense anymore.

I am sorry I am going on and on about this - it does my head in it really does

[bestraongforyou]

And there are another 2 things why he says he will never reconcile again.

1. When he dated OW2 I logged into his skype account(I always had his login) to get my proof(what else was I supposed to do - he continued to lie) - remember he said she was only a potential tenant (yeah right). He says now he lied but i am deceitful - meaning when I point the finger at him - 4 fingers are pointing back towards me.

2. And now the big thing he will never get over and I feel guilty for it - I posted from day one in April on a relationship website in Ireland - kinda like a journal and I had 96.000 hits - it wasn't 96.000 people, just the same girls reading and supporting me over 4 long months - anyway - it's an anonymous forum like this one - around the same time OW2 and WS ended their affair and we tried to reconcile one of the posters started to send me IM's and we posted for weeks back and forward - she even gave me her name and her facebook login and everything - and so did I(stupid me) - I think at the start she wanted to help me and befriended WH on facebook - without asking me by the way - but then she started chatting to him and revealed not only that we knew each other but how we met - and one day in August he rang me and just blew up - he had read most of the posts.

He says now I have shown my true colours and he will never reconcile.

Anyway I recently got the passsword to his general email account back and there was an email in it to one of his mates telling him that she offered him phone sex – and in September he had a mobile phone bill of $1500 – I guess he took her up on that offer.

[bestraongforyou]

Sometimes I think my story is out of a movie - how much unfortunate things can happen to one person, honestly

It's a miracle I can still smile

[bestraongforyou]

In regards to the MLC - I don't know - he is only 31.

I think what scares me most is the way he says - "his money and your house" - he has us separated in his head for good I think.

[newmama]

So what steps toward divorce has he taken if he really wants to leave you?

And all that blame on you sounds like blameshifting that WSs do.


Also, your H sounds moody...who knows how he'll feel in a month!

Just keep being consistent and patient...it sucks.

[bestraongforyou]

He has taken no steps at all - but we need to be separated anyway 12 months until we can legally separate - if I can proof infidelity I can file straight away but I can't proof it and anyway I don't want to divorce - and yes you are correct - moody is his middle name - always has been

[P17]

Dont believe anything they say and only 50% of what they do.

Actions speak louder than words.

[newmama]

I think I get the 50% part...they could be acting nice bc they want something or feel guilty, not because they want to R. They could be acting bad because they are unhappy or feel guilty, not because they want to D. Why should we believe anything they do other than end the A???

bestrong, if you have a moody dramaboy on your hands, then don't forget this:
"the best predictor for future behavior is past behavior" If he usually overreacts but calms down later then I bet he'll do the same.

So stay consistent in making changes to yourself, be pleasant to be around when he comes home for Christmas, and do not talk about your relationship during that time! Let him notice how you've improved and then let him beome confused about what he wants!