Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

Today's update:

I managed to avoid WH most of the time he was here.I told him that I made plans for the 16th and he said "Cool."

I worked out for a full hour, took my time getting ready and found a sexy blouse to wear for the 16th when he will see me leave!

When interacting with WH, I was cheerful, and hummed Christmas songs.Before I left to shop, I put my contacts in.

I had a fine time shopping and returned to see that WH fixed the Christmas decoration I asked him to and had our son all dressed up in his Christmas outfit for a photo like I had asked last week. I made a big deal out of how great the decoration looked and how adorable our son was in his outfit.

WH seemed quiet today. He commented on the Christmas wreath I put up on the door. He also told me that he noticed something I forgot to put on the tree--candycanes. I told him that I didn't know if I'd be decorating the tree with them this year. Before he arrived, I put up more decorations but won't be doing all of them this year...too much to unpack and put away with a baby!

All today, I kept thinking about what to do and or say IF WH gives me D papers after the holidays. (I don't have ANY GUT FEELING that he will do this BTW) I keep practicing so that I won't cry if he does it. But if the law of attraction is true, then I don't want to spend most of my time dwelling on the negative. I just want to not be blindsided at the same time, you know?
So I picture myself informing him that This is entirely his choice but obviously there is nothing I can do to change his mind. I will tell him that I will go away for a couple of days and need him to take all of his stuff out while I'm gone. He can leave the tools in the garage for now. I picture informing him that we both need to get used to the custody plan so we should revise it and be following it more closely. Then I will ask when we should meet with the mediators and tke our custody class.

I also picture him asking if we could talk. He tells me he has been thinking a lot and misses our life together. He says he doesn't know if we could ever get over this. I will tell him that not every couple can but we are not like every couple. I will tell him that I am scared but that I have missed our lif too. Then ????

So I still feel like it is more likely he will want to R versus D....my gut says this. I am scared to trust my gut because what if it only works when things are bad?

When WH left today, he definitely seemed sad.