Clearly frustration is mounting on both sides, but these people are trying to help you. In my marriage, I did not get divorced. I'm still married to the woman I love (yes, the woman I "threatened" with divorce) and I'm happier now than I've been for years. Why would I take that experience and conclude that divorce is a better solution than what worked for me? I tell you again: your best chance to avoid divorce is to acknowledge the possibility and the reality of divorce and then figure out what you're going to do about it. You are always free to take or leave advice, but the advice isn't going to change unless the facts in evidence change.
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And you don't have to be my macho advisor either.
Whatever that is, fair enough. Just keep in mind that you can end this conversation any time by not posting here. But you won't do that, because under the part of you that's resisting every piece of advice you get about making any real change in your marriage, there's the real you--the part that brought you here in the first place--the part that's fed up and is eventually going to beat up that other part, stuff it in a bin, and do something to change your intolerable situation. You might be scared, you might feel hopeless, but something in you refuses to accept hopelessness. Coming to this forum and arguing for 14 pages means you don't truly accept that your situation is hopeless. That's not resignation.
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Those are weaknesses, and I know that. So to have someone just step on that and say the obvious, "You are weak man, and it disgusts me." doesn't really do much for me. But if it makes you feel better by comparison, fine, at least I've made someone else feel better.
I'll tell you what: you find and quote me writing words to that effect and I'll apologize for them. You can't find them, you take a day to think about why you assumed I was saying such a thing and come back here and write one post about that subject. Deal? You think I said that because that's what you expect people to say. You expect people to despise you for human weakness, for fear, for uncertainty and inaction. But I am not disgusted by your weakness because I share it. It's a simple human weakness. The key difference is that you aren't quite at the point where you feel ready to turn the tables on that weakness yet, but I see you edging up to it. It'll happen.
But you may need to piss off a few more people before you're ready. I remember Dancequeen (but maybe it was one of the other ladies here, now that I think of it) declaring that she was done being my enemy and more or less washing her hands of me back in the day. Even this process of denial and arguing that you're going through right now is not unique.
