WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

After she flipped out on Thurs nite, I did wind up sending a text telling her that once she calmed down she can call me if she needs to. She never responded.

I was going to give it a couple of days and then try to use this opportunity to negotiate a deal that would be beneficial for when I do wind up working again.

She wound up calling me on Sat. She sounded pretty bad as she said thinks she had strep throat and was going to see a doctor. I almost asked her who she caught it from as I was still mad from Thurs but I didn't.

She started by saying that as a compromise for custody, she is willing to go with what I'm proposing for while I'm out of work and we can go with one of her options for when I start working again.

I took that opportunity to tell her that I felt that we've both haven't been very nice and respectful to each other. I reminded her of what I had told her back when she was preparing to move out, that the divorce process is meant to be destructive and adversarial. So I'm very interested in getting this aspect behind us as it is not good for any of us (me, the boys or her). So I told her that if she wants to put her thoughts together to cover custody, support and equity split, for when I'm unemployed as well as once I start working, I would take a look at it. I reminded her to be sure she fair with what I use as a test - would she be comfortable taking either side of the proposal. If not, I told her not to waste my time.

She said she would, although I still haven't seen anything yet.

I did remind her that I told her back in April, when she was preparing to move out, that we need to get this crap out of the way as all that I approach, otherwise, the adverserial nature of the process will really put us at odds at each other, and that was before I knew the truth. I told her that I deal with that type of negotiations very often in my line of work so, I don't enjoy it, but I am not very comfortable engaging in it.

I'm not sure if it's because she's sick or she realizes she is coming from a really weak position, but her tone is softening. I'm matching it to see how this plays out, but I'm keeping my eyes wide up. If I see anything that even hints that she is trying to play me, I'm just gonna walk away from the table. This time, time is on my side as we have a hearing on Dec 15th that she can't afford for us to go to.....

I could tell she is softening, and most likely playing me, as even during that call, she was telling me how she had to sleep my side of the bed (her words) as, when she was sick, she had the cold sweets so her side was all damp/disgusting. I said "My side?" She just said "Yeah". I just laughed and said "That's funny that you still call it that" as I was shaking my head.

I did get annoyed as she called me huney a couple of times. I didn't say anything, but I really don't feel like she is going to make a sincere attempt at the agreement. But we shall see......

What was also "surprising" was that her mom was going to watch the kids on Friday afternoon so I could go to my interview. Her mom had an appointment in the early evening and it didn't seem like I would be back in time. So she said she would pick them up and we would meet somewhere for dinner to do the exchange. I said ok but now I'm tempted to back out of it as I can remember less than 4 weeks ago she kept refusing to do something like that. I don't know what's she's going to try to pull, but I am willing to see what she is really up to......

So her nonsense continues.... she was right when, the last time I had tried to talk with her about trying to work things out, she said how are suppose to trust each other with all that had happened. I remember I responded by saying we won't know till we try, but now I'm not so sure......