Can I save my marriage?

[Lll54]

Dont worry G, i have a friend here. I would never do anything in front of her. He will wake up and in to work and nothing will be said.

[TrentC]

Im in need of desperate help. You were all right. Found out last night there was OW.

I'm sorry, Britt. *hug*

Believe it or not, we don't like to be right about such things.

Supposedly its over now. But who knows. I heard this from a friend whos ex works with H. She doesnt know he it was just emotional and hanging out and flirting or if it got physical. She just knew there was something going on. I am devastated and at a loss for words. The man just moved home and I find this out. Now what?

That is for you to decide. I would hate to see you throw away the weeks and weeks of effort you've put in, but you have your self-respect and dignity to think of. Not to mention your kids.

Listen to everyone else; you are getting really good advice.

It is possible to forgive an affair, but PDT and the others are right; he must agree to transparency if there is any chance of things to work. He violated his commitment to you, and there must be some kind of penalty.

[Lll54]

I dont think he wants anything to do with me. He woke up this afternoon and is in such a bad mood. I havent spoken to him yet, just kind of cleaning the house arid makes himself something to eat before work. I dont know if he is still mad about me going to the bar or what. But so grumpy. Ugh

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I think OW dumped him. It would explain the rumors, and the bad mood.

You need to decide what you want to do, Britt. But you should NOT let him stay in your home without boundaries, and "Complete Transparency" should be #1 (and #2 and #3) on that list.

Puppy

[courts0818]

Britt, I'm so very sorry. My head is spinning for you so I will leave the good advice up to others, but please know you have my encouragement and support!

Hugs! I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Lll54]

Well everybody, I'm glad I took your advice and didn't say anything to him.

New news...so last night when my friend was telling me all this she mentioned that she asked another friend if she knew anything. Well the other friend said she heard that my H's best friend had gotten with her but no that my H had gotten with her. I didn't think much of it.

Today my best friend asked her husband who is a police officer as well if he knew any of this. He too said that he knew H's best friend had a fling with her but not H. He went on to say that she is not his type, and there is no way my H would be with a girl right after his best friend had something with her. So now, I don't know. I saw a pic of her on facebook and she truly is not my husbands type. I can't see him even taking a double look at her. He likes plain jane girls. This girl has a "rihanna" replica hair do which is shaved in the back with a little bit of bangs. Horrible haircut. My H DOES NOT like short hair on a girl. He comments on that all the time as a good friend of mine has short hair and he hates it. She is also tattood like crazy. She has tatoos everywhere! On her arms, shoulders, even up her neck. She is just someone my husband would find to be a huge turnoff. But like my best friends husband said, he knew that H's best friend got with her, he would also know if H got with her. The police station is small, these things don't stay a secret. He is good friends with H and he said he just can't see it.

On Halloween this year also, we went to the station to show off the boys, and H took me into the dispatch room which is where she works and she was there. If there was something going on he would not have taken me in there.

So definitely no facts to go on. But I will keep my ears and eyes open.

Thanks again everyone. Love all your support and encouragment! Its what gets me through this!

[TrentC]

Well everybody, I'm glad I took your advice and didn't say anything to him.

New news...so last night when my friend was telling me all this she mentioned that she asked another friend if she knew anything. Well the other friend said she heard that my H's best friend had gotten with her but no that my H had gotten with her. I didn't think much of it.

Today my best friend asked her husband who is a police officer as well if he knew any of this. He too said that he knew H's best friend had a fling with her but not H. He went on to say that she is not his type, and there is no way my H would be with a girl right after his best friend had something with her.

I hope you're right, but cops have a tendency to stick together. I find it odd that your friend's ex who works there says he did have an affair, but all of his friends say there's no way.

I also wouldn't be surprised if your husband doesn't accuse you of checking up on him, with all of these questions flying around.

So definitely no facts to go on. But I will keep my ears and eyes open.

Just be prepared to find proof, if such a thing did happen.

And you need to make a decision when your head is a bit clearer, about exactly how you will deal with it if you find proof of an affair. You've already said that a PA would be a deal-breaker for you -- are you sure about that, or was it the passion of the moment talking?

[DDogs]

I hope you're right, but cops have a tendency to stick together. I find it odd that your friend's ex who works there says he did have an affair, but all of his friends say there's no way.

I have to agree with TrentC on that one.. Cops definitely have a fraternity mindset, its a must when their lives may depend on it. But along with the good comes the bad. I've seen them cover for others in the same sitch.

[Gnosis]

I think you're being gaslighted Britt. Google it.

[Super Girl]

I think so too, Gno. She seems to be falling for it too.