Coping with Bi-Polar WAW

[CountingCrows]

Journaling:

Still pretty upset/depressed after getting up today. Vivid dreams kept me from sleeping in, even without S7 waking me up. Did some laundry and light housecleaning and caught up on last week's shows that I missed (Fringe, FlashForward).

Went over to my parents house to take title to my old car that's going to auction this week. Dad left shortly after I arrived to head to airport for a business meeting. Mom and I sat and talked/cried for about a hour. Today is the 1st anniversary of the death of her mother, and she was about as emotionally unstable as I am right now. We reminisced about my Grandmother some and discussed a visit to Disney World in mid-January (my parents' big gift to all the kids/grandkids this Christmas).

My Mom dropped a bomb on me during our conversation. She told me that my BIL and youngest sister (I'm the oldest and only male of 4 kids) had just come over earlier today to confess that BIL had a 9 month affair earlier this year. They are still living together with their precious D2 and D5. They are going to MC together. MC had asked him to do the confession. He apparently ended A in late Oct, when he came to the realization that he was about to lose the W he loved and his Ds. They are in their mid-30s and have been married for just over 10 years. The thought that someone could do that to my beautiful "baby" sister really hurt.

This really came out of the blue, as this marriage always appeared to me is as close to "perfect" you could ever ask for. They're very active in their church, and have always seemed totally crazy about each other and their family. Guess things aren't always what they seem, and even "perfect" families can have their dark secrets. At least BIL is out of his fog and is dedicated to building a new R with my sister, recognizing that the marriage they once had is no longer.

Made me really wish I was in their situation, as painful as it must be for both of them. I would love more than anything to put my prior marriage (which I realize is gone) on the street and build a new R with my W. I've just got to be patient enough to see if W ever comes out of her fog and is serious about wanting to try again. In the meantime, I just have to keep moving forward with life for ME and S7.

Hugged my Mom, dried my eyes, got myself back together and left my parents house. Drove 15 minutes through almost freezing drizzle to W's apartment to pick up S7. Very brief, upbeat visit (<5 minutes), just said our greetings and goodbyes, borrowed the vacuum cleaner she had taken from the house, and S7 and I headed out.

S7 hadn't eaten lunch/dinner, and neither had I, so we stopped by McD's (although we try to keep those visits to a minimum). At S7's request, we ate inside before coming home. He seems to have had a good time with his Mom, particularly with W's roommate's D6 there overnight. He got to sleep with W in her bed, which made him really happy. I don't let him sleep in my bed, as I feel it's can lead to a habit that's hard to break, but she doesn't have anywhere else but their couch for the kids to sleep on.

Anyway...I'm going to get started vacuuming so I can give the Kirby back to W in the morning. Not really ready to start a new work week, but determined to give it 100% of my effort.