Afraid, You have had a lot on your plate and it looks like that plate is still very heavy. You need to find a grief support group for you and your family, especially your father.
Your health has taken a beating. Please try to take care of yourself. We do care and are here for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
