He's trying to put the responsibility in the wrong place. Well, there's a shocker!
If he wants to talk to the kids, he is going to have to call them. It's got nothing to do with you, or even him. It's most kids! The best you can do is come up with a time that they will regularly be available, and let him know. If he call, and they don't want to talk, well, there's not much you can do, is there?
Let him do the stressing. You be the great mom that you are to your kids.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Me - I don't care about your bank account. I only care that I will have access to money for the kids. Stop making this ugly. it's not good for the kids.
H - The kids who obviously don't give a rats ass about me? scratch that -- they hate me, which is caring of some sort, I guess.
I don't know how old your old kids are, but a 5 year old is way to young to be described as a kid who doesn't give a rats ass about his father. However, if the father keeps up his self-centered juvenile behavior, the child will certainly grow up to be what his father describes.
My oldest is only 11, and you're right, Lotus. I am so used to hearing him say rat's ass this rat's ass that, that I didn't even think about how inappropriate the comment was in the context of the children.
Maybe it would be a good idea for him to read some books on parenting. Perhaps it would give him a better clue how to build a relationship with his.
One that was recommended to me by my C that I picked up is "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp.
What could it hurt right?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Actually giving a WAS any books, websites or pointing them to other resources on R's or parenting is usually a recipe for further destruction and a higher wall being built by the WAS.
They are already riddled with guilt and have reworked history to justify their actions, both towards the WAS and their children. Any assistance you try and offer to a WAS to "fix" anything simply causes more rebellion from the WAS.
It is so terribly unfortunate that so many young children get hurt but as they grow and watch you they will come to realize what their father is.
I am not so sure CG. This has nothing to do with SG pursuing her H. It is simply a suggestion to help him try and form a better R with his kids for their sake and his. He obviously wants one, but I am not sure he knows how to go about doing that and might... I say might cautiously... he might actually appreciate it if he really is serious about wanting to somehow build bridges with his kids.
I could be way off base. It was just a suggestion.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
When somebody walks out on both a W and small children they are aware on *some* level that they are forever damaging the R with their children. The WAS may never acknowledge the damage they are doing but they are aware. Any form of "fixing" by the LBS smacks of control and will only push the WAS away. Your W has not at all been receptive to your parenting tips so this you should know.
If the WAS chooses not to co-parent in an appropriate and proper manner then the LBS must act "as if", be the best single parent they can be, move forward w/o the parenting assistance of the WAS and let the chips fall where they may when it comes to the R the WAS has with the children. A LBS can't "fix" that R and it must be done by the WAS. Sometimes it's too late and other times it's not. At the end of the day the WAS is a grown man and if he desires an improved R with his children he will move mountains to reach that goal and will work hard to use all resources available.
But no, unless they ask, the WAS isn't interested in resources, books or websites to improve any R's - it pushes them away and reminds them of the destruction they caused.
