here we go again

[Jstar]

i keep thinking that i should set a time limit of when i will talk to h. but then thought shouldn't it be when my h shows some actions?

Which way of thinking is best?

[bluerain]

I agree that you should wait for him to make contact. He has been asking about D2, so maybe that would be a good time to talk to him about the birth. I dont think that I would let him have unsupervised visits with her. Maybe he can meet you two at a playground for an afternoon or something like that.

[Jstar]

he called once this week, and texted once this week. i don't think it is enough for me to even break my silence. if he shows up and still not going to speak with him. i'm not ready to speak with him at all. i was super anxious and doing all the wrong things a few weeks ago and now that i'm in the dark it does give me some perspective. he can say he misses d2 and throw how i'm supposed to put my anger aside and think of her, when he is not doing that, he things that by asking if he see her or how she is that is support. it is NOT.

i don't think i would even be able to hold my disgust for him at this time if we went to a playground. i WILL NOT let him have daughter UNLESS it is highly controlled and supervised by me, then we will see how much he wants to see her.

maybe i'm taking a wrong stand in not letting her just go with him, but there are no guarentess i will get her back, if she'll be taken care of, if he'll leave her with mil. he has some prooving to do that he is a good father to have in her life and not only when it suits him.

he's not most of the men on here or was that even though there having issues with the spouse, they STILL provide $ for their children, have set up regular visitations, my h is NOT.

[Jstar]

well i think i have cleared to day it's almost 7pm and no text. not that it is me clearing my h has no interest in me whatsoever.

i'm feeling really like there is no hope at all.

[Jstar]

any suggestions on how i should proceed with GALing being pregnant. isn't a pregnant woman in her 7th month a major turn off for single men? even if it were just a friendship situation?

my d2 and i do things together, look at xmas lights, run our errands, park,. how is all that supposed to translate to appearing to my h that i have moved on?

should i turn h in for fraud? on my credit card?

[Jstar]

we got out xmas decorations and probably going to put the tree up either tonight or tomorrow.

still not contact on h's part.been 2 days since his text.

[bluerain]

Hi Jstar, I think that you should turn him in. You arent really turning him in,you are answering a question that they asked honestly. You didnt make him do this, and its not your responsibility to aid and abet a man who stole from you, regardless of his title as your husband.

[bluerain]

And I think that you should go to the pool!

[Jstar]

ever know that while you are out and about people watching and looking at other people certain things hit you. well i had some of that tonight while d2 and i were out. i was looking at all teh families, granted i don't know specifics but i can see which men appear to be dedicated to their wives and children.

i just thought to myself a gave my everything to man that a year in our relationship he was still as ever attached to his mother and father then if he were a 12 year old boy. wrongly i thought after the birth of daughter he would realize his responsibilities to me and her, he never did thus i remember specifically telling him i was drowning, (metaphorically)begging him to save me but he couldn't, so i asked him to move out.

9 months of seperation after i went went dark for three week, 8 months i did all teh wrong things, chasing, cheeseless tunnels, we got back together, i bought a house for us and i got pregnant again. i wasn't thrilled about the pregnancy, felt i was trapped since i didnot set any boundaries no mc nothing, i was still feeling the same problems existed, he walked out on daughter and i pregnant, ultimately i suffered a fetal demise at 16 weeks. we would go back and forth he'd leave return to his parents. still with the same problems existing, i'm pregnant again, he'd say only problem he had was with not having a job no money, i'd say u take care of our d2 saves us money, he'd blame everyone for him not being able to work. truth is he can't get pass e verify not being legally able to work in the united states.

he has a pattern of leaving, returning to his mom and dad and returning all with me never setting boundaries. i can say this one is little bit different, i'm not calling him not chasing him, not dropping by nothing. i'm just dark

i want to save my marriage to man that can fully committ to me and our children.

[Jstar]

i filled out the fraud form put his name on and just thinking of how much i have done for him, loving him unconditionally and he liked me conditionally, i can't say i agree he ever did love me.
i thought about a relationship he was in before we met. she had a few kids, baby daddy walked out, my h was giving her money and his mother did not like that. h would always tell me oh my mom hated her, now it just came to me why. she took money from her with her son giving money to his former gf.

i don't think he and i will ever get past the problems with his mother and father being so dependent on him. he has such loyalty to them and duty of being a good son to them that he can't ever have a real realtionship where he is committed.