Bbj, many many steps ahead? You are kidding right? I am walking on a fine line between month #3 and month #19 ( I think). Good to see you having fun!
addie, I think it is ot outmost importance to ask what you need or you will end stuck for much longer than you should. Same goes for me, I know it in my gut. Some things need to put to rest before I go on. And we need MC as well. I hat ethe idea of another Christmas with no "solid" love, if you get what I mean... K
i don't think I ever heard it called "solid" love. is that like "rock hard" love?
i agree, if you don't ask you don't get....some people have problems asking and then are not happy and complain. Of course some others ask relentlessly which is not very pleasant.
Maybe you should get in touch with Hope for Us. He is now on the piecing forum. His wife cheated and he has been dealing with getting their marriage back on track for about 2 years. So far so good. He might have some insight as far as what your H is going through from what he has learned. Just a thought.
Thinking of you. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
addie, I think it is ot outmost importance to ask what you need or you will end stuck for much longer than you should. Same goes for me, I know it in my gut. Some things need to put to rest before I go on. And we need MC as well. I hat ethe idea of another Christmas with no "solid" love, if you get what I mean... K
PS Any news on Stella? I've been thinking of her.
K, I've asked. H is very passive-aggressive and an avoider of conflict. He too, like many WAS, would prefer to sweep everything under the rug. He's been tender and the physical intimacy is there. The lack of transparency and the secretiveness are major triggers for me. Maybe I'm expecting too much too soon.
No, I haven't heard from Stella and have been wondering about her also. I hope she gives us an update.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
addie, close friend are telling me "get ovet this, stoo asking about the A, her, forget it etc". And I try.But it's not healthy, it eats me up inside. It's something I NEED. Remember, I know all sorts of details. I need his take on how things happened. And that is a not controlling, it is setting boundaries. I need these things to be able to move on. One blind leading the other blinds, still, I would advise you, to think of explaining things to your H. Give him the "not just friends book" to read. I wish H could read it!
Solid love John, means, no doubts. Spending Christmas with the someone you know loves me and I love him back.
addie, close friend are telling me "get ovet this, stoo asking about the A, her, forget it etc". And I try.But it's not healthy, it eats me up inside. It's something I NEED. Remember, I know all sorts of details. I need his take on how things happened. And that is a not controlling, it is setting boundaries. I need these things to be able to move on.
I've set boundaries and it hasn't worked in my case. H is still secretive and it causes me to wonder why. If you remember I also know many details because I had hacked into all his email accounts - yes, he had several and still does with different passwords which I no longer have access to. These are also things I need in order to be able to move forward. Although H says he wants our M to improve, he doesn't realize all the hard work that needs to be done (although I've laid it out for him). He expects that things will improve with few changes.
K, I hope you're able to set boundaries and your H is able to follow through. I would advise maybe setting one boundary at a time so as to not overwhelm him but letting him know that there are other things to deal with as well, just not all at once. I've been doing that with H recently and it's working out a little better.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
No diamonds... Perfume, candles, sweets and some other little things. We picked him up from the airport and he seemed VERY happy to see us.
Today it's son's nameday (all namedays in NOv-Dec for us inlcuding Anniversary and D's bday)... We came home, had late lunch that I had prepared and he slept for while. On the way home he told me about the trip and it was pretty normal and easy.
When he got ready to leave, he came to me, grabbed me, and gave me a passionate kiss. Caught me by surprise. I didnt get excited or anything, it was more like "what the heck is going on?" and I think he got "bad" vibes from me, which wasnt my intention, I was just shocked. I tried to smooth that out by hugging him tighter but... I didnt feel anything.
He didnt stay, he got ready and left. Something feels like he is cake eating. But it's just me. K
PS For John : On the way back, my-his little Audi, started acting up, we hardly made it here. He got mad and said he is selling the damn thing, paying too much on repairs the last 2 years See, I am still a witch, spells working fine!
My Audi is working fine...hope you get a new car soon! I am glad you did not tell him to sell it....he may have freaked out a little.
So...he gives you a passionate kiss and you gave him bad vibes? Sounds to me like he is trying. What is going to happen when he tries the horizontal tango move on you? I hope he does not get bad vibes then also... :-)
