venting is a wonderful tool and one we all use, here or in real life or both...
My assuptions on grieving for something that we wished we had had instead of what we actual had I guess came from the posts where HM has suggested that her husband was narcissitic.
there is venting some healthy anger but i guess I don't feel anger coming from HM
I feel sadness and despair
like her post in asking what people's suggestions were for what she should do for thanksgiving
then no one responded right away
and her next post started with something like I guess even here I am invisiable (I am paraphrasing here but you get the idea)
My feeling is that this isn't so much about the divorce per say anymore but more about a feeling of helplessness, like there is nothing she can do to feel better or to become visable or to matter
this is where I see the unhealthy bend
this is where I am worried
anger is good sadness is even good despair is not
forgive me if I am misguided here...it just seems like more than sadness at the turn of events but a general feeling of hopelessness...like an "i am just continuing on because I have a daughter but if I didn't I would curl up and die and when she isn't in the nearby vicinity I do sort of curl up and die and think about how invisible I am and how my life is not how I wanted it and how nothing good is in it..."
this is concerning to me and again...perhaps I am off base...that happens frequently too
I was merely trying to say that while a part of our life changes it does not die...it isn't the end just because that part ended...sometimes things end so that something better can begin but we won't be open to that if we are in constant mourning for what we lost
