Can I save my marriage?

[Deep]

Gno is right. No matter how much you may have thought you have geared yourself in preparation, you are in pain and shock. Not a good base to have any discussion.

Just collect yourself, and let 1-2 days pass as you come to terms with your feelings. Get as much evidence as you can.

Much easier said than done of course. Sometimes I think back to my sitch and the milestones and all the things I did wrong (and there are many). Not reacting upon discovery is probably one thing I'm pretty sure I'd still fail to do properly even with hindsight.