Need help about my WAS, she wants to try but...

[brknheart]

Her being the one to leave the house is one of the consequences of her bad decisions she's made. Why should you give up your home b/c she doesn't like her room mate? That is very self-centered of her. But not uncommon at all for WAW's. So, be very firm about your stand on the housing situation.

Do you think you could handle in-house separation? Many couples do it due to finances. But if she is dating.....it would be extremely hard, but there would be some "advantages" if the two of you were under the same roof. However, you need to have boundaries set in place and if she can't abide by those, then she needs to stay where she is or find another place.

If she comes back to the house, do not give up your bedroom and especially your bed. She gave that up and should not be treated like she was a queen returning to her throne.

We can talk more about romancing later. It would probably need to be done quite differently living under the same roof (if that came about). Is you house large enough that she would have some personal space? Has she ever hinted that the two of you could live under the same roof and be M separated?

I dont think she is trying to be self centered asking me to move out, rather its her way of seeing if I really want to make the M work and be with her. I know it sounds a bit backwards but she can be like that. For example, if I see the clothes hamper filling up and dont offer to wash the clothes, they she would see that as me leaving it for her to do. If I offered to wash them, it shows that I am not leaving it for her and she washes the clothes. For some reason I feel if she saw that I would move out, do what she wants rather than "everything has to be your way", then she may just move back in the house with me. If I stand my ground and say I wont move out, then I would be taking a risk/gamble of not saving the marriage and I would be moving out next month anyway. Yes, she made the decision to move out, to get a divorce, but I have to accept part of the blame for this. Like many WAS, she told me over the years how unhappy she was, how I treated her, etc, I didn't listen. This is the first time we separated and it was a big wakeup call.