In answer to your question...yes, you can appear normal and yet be in depression. You have to remember, depression for men is different than it is for women. You need to go back and read up on depression and how men can display the symptoms.
As for his parents....they are the problem in how they dealt with issues and their children. You are not the issue here.
Do not remind him of his mother. The finger pointing and the harping over things may have been her traits.
Keep the focus on you and your children. There's absolutely nothing you can do to fix your h. He has to do this for himself and he will in time. He's just got to figure things out.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
