Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Mishka and Awest. I've been thinking about what you were saying. I guess it comes down to the fact I felt better that W was at least interested enough to go through all the stuff.

If she truly didn't care -- which was what she was saying seven months ago -- she would have logged off and gotten on her own Facebook.

In terms of killing the messages I didn't want her to see, well we are all actors. Knowing how easy it really is to access Facebook, I've been killing messages that had anything to do with D. I have a couple of friends who have gone through D giving me advice. I wouldn't want W seeing those. The messages to my aunt when I'm really down. I don't want W to see those either.

This thread. I'd never want to W to see these.

I've been burned by what I didn't want her to read. Back in the spring, she found a journal I'd been keeping over the previous year. It was specifically a journal for me to dump all of my mounting frustrations into. It was about 80 percent negative, 20 percent positive. I rarely wrote in it when things were going well.

She read it and got really angry. She said those must be my "true" feelings. I tried to tell her it was a way to get the angry thoughts out of my head.

So now I use this site to dump my anger and frustration.