First time poster feeling a bit lost

[MT21]

Hi Sandii,

Yes, I know. Thanks.

So Last night, dinner, I am the prize.

It did not go so well.

It was a cold rainy night, the restaurant although recommended turned about to be a disaster, They had booked two large Xmas partys and it was difficult to talk, the atmospehere was terrible.

I dressed up in my new clothes she complimented me saying I looked good. She also dressed up, including xtra large heels. She looked amazing.. She MUST get hit on all the time.

For the first time in my life I felt inferior, and that she was out of my league.

So we returned home early, I was very disappointed that we didnt get to talk and have fun, it showed. And then we got talking about R again. (she told me I am putting too much pressure on myself)

despite my earlier mail, and the unclear message the other day, I can definitely confirm she is WAW.

She told me that she still loves me but the way in which she loves me has changed. we discussed this a little, I am (to mirror your comments Sandii) more like a brother.

I asked her how she thought about dating, she told me that it wasn't high on her list and was more concerned about keeping herself together right now, but I think it is only a matter of time. But then she realized I was talking about me with someone else, It stopped her dead for a few seconds, she said she hasn't thought about it...(silence) "you have do what you is right for you"...I followed up by saying I am married.

I am serious about changing and doing more myself, but yet again, I feel a little lost. I so badly want to detach but dont know how?

I want her to see me moving on with my life, but dont know how to do it right now without being a little grumpy and angry around her.

It really annoys me that she thinks she calls all the shots, when to love, that she automatically gets the kids, gets to move into a new house in the future, gets her promotion and doesn't invest that benefit back into our home and R. (the very thing I thought we'd been working towards together)

After all I made some huge sacrifices to myself and have always supported my family to the best of my ability. (For nearly 10 years now I travel to work daily 1.5hours each direction) Whilst she is local, building her career, friends and social network.
This is also part of my problem I have NO friends close to escape with, my family has always taken priority.

She admits that she is selfish, but she needs to take control of HER life.

She read "the walk, (WAW)" last night, and googled some counseling services. She gave me some feedback this morning that she thought the article put the blame at the LBS's feet and was one sided, she said it isn't me again its her.
She doesnt hold out much hope for counseling.

So I am back to painting, keeping fit etc.. (I lost another couple of pounds, now just 188LBS (I am 6'2) so it wont be long and the abs will be restored.)

This is tough..

MT