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Hi Gnosis,

Are you in your wife's country right now? I missed that in your story.

Has your wife always been a housewife while living in the States?

What are you working on now (as in "you can only change yourself")? What do you see as your personal goals in your sitch?

Thank you for opening this thread. I have a lot to ask and share.


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Hi Wholeagain,

Are you in your wife's country right now?
Yes.

Has your wife always been a housewife while living in the States?
I'm not living in the US. She's been the residence administrator wink since we got married.

What are you working on now (as in "you can only change yourself")?
- Fixing my oft malfunctioning Venusian translator.
- Becoming a better listener.
- Flipping her attraction switches.
- Triggering her LL's

What do you see as your personal goals in your sitch?
Good question. The answer after THE BOMB would have been to win her back. Now? I have doubts, just like she has. As I said before... it's complicated.

When it comes to my life I don't make hasty decisions. I 'educate' myself, evaluate all possible scenarios and plan accordingly. Out of ignorance I made the standard errors on BOMB day.

Since then I managed to detach and have entered an introspective phase. I'm drawing up my own 'list of demands' i.e. what I want, need and expect from this R. In the meantime I'm gradually implementing her list of demands (aka spew). Not specifically for Mrs Gno, but because they will help me in a future R with whoever it may be.[/color]

Thank you for opening this thread.
Thank you for reading.

I have a lot to ask and share.
I'd like to think I have a lot to share and you're free to ask. Keep in mind, I don't have the answers to everything and I make mistakes.

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Additional info in maroon for the above post.

What do you see as your personal goals in your sitch?
Good question. The answer after THE BOMB would have been to win her back. Now? I have doubts, just like she has. As I said before... it's complicated.

When it comes to my life I don't make hasty decisions. I 'educate' myself, evaluate all possible scenarios and plan accordingly. Out of ignorance I made the standard errors on BOMB day. I reacted and kept on reacting... to the detriment of the relationship. Somewhere along the road I forgot that I was a man. It was a gradual change and that's why I didn't notice it. I put her needs before my own and compromised my values.

Since then I managed to detach and have entered an introspective phase. I'm drawing up my own 'list of demands' i.e. what I want, need and expect from this R. In the meantime I'm gradually implementing her list of demands (aka spew). Not specifically for Mrs Gno, but because they will help me in a future R with whoever it may be. I have chosen what I think is acceptable to change and rejected things I will not compromise on. Hey... beat me up if you want, but I have my standards. Some people on this board call them N.U.T.S.

When the time is right and I feel I'm in a position of strength... and I perceive Mrs Gno is ready to "talk"... we'll talk. Until then I continue to work on myself. The agenda of that 'talk' is still "in progress" and to be determined.

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Thank you for your answers!

I will reread your posts before I ask more questions.


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Were your wife not aware of you being WAH 2 years ago?

Did you just used work as an excuse and kept in touch with her as everything was ok between you?

Did you return home from "work travel" and everything was as usual?

What changed for you and for her at that point?

What do you think was a source of your unhappiness in your M before you left?

Did you feel that your wife was bringing you down talking about her great family, being down about IVF results?

Why did you come back?


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Originally Posted By: Wholeagain


Did you feel that your wife was bringing you down talking about her great family, being down about IVF results?



Did your wife wanted your emotional support all the time? Did you feel like running away?


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Gnosis Offline OP
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Wholeagain, please can you answer my questions on your thread first?

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Flipping her attraction switches? LoL

Can I borrow a few of those?


Me-46, D-21, S15, S13

After many years w/my head in the sand...
I FILED
Divorced 6/2011

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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Originally Posted By: Wholeagain


What do you think was a source of your unhappiness in your M before you left?


Oh, you did say earlier you were feeling like a failure, and your wife was everything to you.

Last edited by Wholeagain; 12/07/09 05:33 AM.

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Originally Posted By: mindfull
Flipping her attraction switches? LoL

Can I borrow a few of those?


Is that something along Gucci's preaching? Mindfull, you could check his "Jealousy button" thread.

I've been thinking about this lately. As long as there is attraction, there is a relationship. Do you guys agree or disagree?

Last edited by Wholeagain; 12/07/09 05:32 AM.

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