For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[courts0818]

Day 10, Journaling

3 thing's I'm thankful for:
1. DD and I donated some of her toys today - thankful that we have things to give & that we are helping others
2. That H came over to spend time with DD & I was able to get a break
3. That God is with me through everything

I went to the Hallmark store tonight to pick up some ornaments. When I saw the little ornaments with frames for a family picture, I just about crumbled into a pile of sadness. Ugh. This is such a hard time of year to be dealing with a WAS.

I think text messages with my sister and my friend and a venting converstation with another friend, lifted my spirits (something else I'm thankful for today).

When I got home, DD was still up and H was watching football. We kind of all hung out in the living room. It's sad bc H and I don't even really talk to each other - I wish I knew how to fix that. It's kinda like what is there to talk about? It's just akward.

DD kept running back and forth betweeen us, yelling "Mommy" then "Daddy" and jumping in our laps. And she was saying, "I love mommy" and "I love daddy." She is so happy and excited when we are together. BREAKS MY HEART. I wonder if he notices and what he thinks. I mean he has to notice the kiddo is full of joy when we are all together, just wonder if he actually thinks about it. It seems like walk aways don't think about anything - they just ignore, deny or blame.

After DD calmed down a bit, I noticted that H looked a little upset or stressed or maybe just tired. IDK...he just looked a little sad and was kinda holding his hand on his head above his eyes. When I asked what was wrong, I got a nothing kind of response. IDK.

I'm feeling pretty good and not down in the dumps - something else I'm thankful for.