Realizing that detatching has nothing to do with the value that others bring to your life will help a lot. It means you simply let go of trying to control anyone or anything other than yourself. You will become a stronger and more attractive person. The only person responsible for our happiness, fulfillment, and wholeness is US. Relying on someone else to make us happy, fulfilled, and whole is unhealthy. We alone determine if we will be happy. And you have to like yourself and respect yourself to be a happy person. It means respecting yourself enough to not be mistreated by others. When we understand and accept that we alone are responsible for our happiness, then we won't put our feelings and emotions in someone else's hands.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Along the lines of being responsible for our own happiness, I'm trying to take back some control in that area. Actually, I think I was doing very well until my dad got sick and passed away and then my son's best friend dying... but time to regroup and get back on track.
I'm going skiing this Sunday. I was going alone but a friend from the ski shop where STBX works asked if I wanted him to go too, so that will be fun. Just platonic, for me anyway, and it will be nice to have someone to ride up with. I got the bike rack off and ski rack on by myself today which felt good. Basketball is starting up this week for my son, senior year, so that will be fun and keep me busy with tournament stuff that parents do, etc. Going for a run in the morning and then hope to make the most of the weekend.
Thanksgiving was good, and busy. I thought I didn't want anything to do with the traditions, as this is the first holiday without my dad, but it was somehow comfortable and he would have enjoyed the day too plus the Broncos won. Every time I watch a game I remember watching the Broncos with my dad in his Hospice room and my dad saying it might be our last game to watch together. It was, but he's still with me and I feel like he's near when I'm watching a game.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Still a lot of trees right now, but the further you go the more they will thin out, and the broader view you will have. Eventually you'll reach a crest where you'll be able to see a good bit all the way around, and you'll have a better perspective.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
It's been a good week. I did ski last Sunday which was awesome. Great to get away and I hope to go again next weekend. I emailed with STBX re: bills and the filing this week with confidence and didn't obsess about my words or how he'd react.
I had been wondering how I'd hang the Christmas lights by myself this year, but today seemed like a good day to tackle it. I pulled all the lights and decorations out, checked the strands and with a 6 ft ladder I got the lights hung. Woohoo! I have a couple dead spots I need to work on tmrw but I feel great that I did it on my own!
Tomorrow we will go up to the cabin and cut down a Christmas tree. Today we made lefsa at my sister's. My family has a lot of holiday traditions, and it's somewhat hard to continue on w/o my dad or H, but it's still enjoyable.
Lately I had been feeling like a victim about my sitch with so many challenges this year, etc. But my mindset now is to make the best of my sitch, be strong AND happy for my kids and enjoy each day.
You sound pretty good mnt_dreams. Good for you on the lights!
One of my friends sent me a text recently that said..."Pain is a lens, sometimes focusing, other times blurring the events of our lives. It all depends upon the distance."
The distance from the causative event. When you're close to the pain, it blurrs. When you're farther from the pain (via time), it focuses.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Having a good week. Still moments of sadness, and thinking about H. But that's out of my hands. just have to keep looking forward.
Replaced the heating element in my oven by myself this week, and cut down a Christmas tree in the mountains with my sister & BIL today. Got the tree home and will hang the lights tomorrow. Waiting to do ornaments when the kids are home. Was going to ski tmrw but they really need some more snow. So I'm going to work on some projects around the house.
Counting my blessings - son is doing well, accepted to his first college for next fall. Daughter doing great in school, taking an interest in tennis. Mom doing well after Dad's passing. Good job, cozy home, friends that care. Life is good.
Good to see you're still here posting. Life does go on...it has to. These things mean a lot more to us than they do to anybody else. Before your situation began, when you heard stories of separation and divorce among others, you probably didn't dwell on it or even think about it too much. It was just an event (unfortunate as it was) that happened in the course of things. That's the same way that most people look at our situations...it's just a blip on the radar screen. We are the only ones that it means a lot to! We have to get to where (with the passage of time and some work) it becomes nothing more than a blip on our radar screens.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Thx Antlers. That is so true... the separation/divorce situation is much more personal to us, of course, but it will increase our empathy to others going thru this sitch in the future. At least it will for me.
Will continue to turn the pain and anger over to God, along with the negativism, second guessing, and all the rest. It really is in God's hands.
My mom sent out Christmas cards, first year without Dad, and she wrote: I miss --- dearly but am doing well and taking life a day at a time. Only our dear Lord has the answers for our lives.
If she can do it, after 57 years with the same spouse, I guess we can too!
Got out of town this weekend with my kids. We walked around the CU Boulder campus, did some shopping and S18 had a couple basketball games. His team is undefeated so far, and lookin' good.
I'm in a good place lately and the only thing I can attribute it to is a focus of gratitude. I'm trying to thank God for all the blessings in my life, vs. focusing on the losses and worrying about things I can't control. Talking with others this week reminded me of how lucky I am to have smart, compassionate, healthy kids and a great family to support each other.
As far as H, when he's on my mind I say a prayer for him. Hope he's feeling better and working thru his stuff. If some day we get another chance, I'll be open to it but I'm not putting my life on hold. Life is short and I'm enjoying my children so much right now - again I think it's by being thankful for what I have and not what I don't.
Sent Christmas cards to everyone this year with a great photo of my kids on it. Sent it to my inlaws, H, my side of the family and lots of friends. I'm a proud mama! Lots of my friends send Xmas photos of their lil' ones but I decided this year to send one of my teenagers. They are still my babies...
