I need help please

[bestraongforyou]

In these 2 months I have completely cut any relationship talk or any suspicions I have - I never called him and he started to call once a week - this week is the first time he hasn't - wonder why I cut all angry / emotional outbursts and any disrespectful judgements.
I sent him an email every week with the spending of the previous week to keep him in the loop and to show I wasn't spending a lot again. I loved it when he called and I know he called to talk to me and not the kids in that moment - the conversations were relaxed and we even started to laugh with each other a little again. And now this

And yes I would be hurt but he is the one who can tun it around and come home – it’s not rocket science.

I can’t ask him about the password – he doesn’t even know that I know the email address and yes I need to know – I need to know it for my own sanity – guessing is not enough anymore.
I need to know what was so important to him that he broke up our family and I need to know why he is not together with the woman anymore he broke our family up for.
I have a million and one question and I need this to stop.

[bestraongforyou]

I already have a lawyer and he knows that - she told me to stay in the joint account as long as I can to see what he is doing and to start acting in the moment I see something in his financial behaviour changing. We have to be separated 1 year here to apply for legal separation and 4 years to be divorced.

[newmama]

Bestrong, try your best to not change your behavior based on his mood. He is being a big baby, like P17 said!

His phone calls may not be over yet--he is just in a funk.
What if you were "too busy" to talk to him next time?

BTW, Is the divorce rate lower in your country than U.S. (50%)?

(I wish they were that strict here. They are starting to make it more difficult to divorce than marry (depends on the state) so that's good! )

[bestraongforyou]

Compared to the rest of Europe, Ireland's divorce rate is relatively low - approximately half that of Britain and Sweden. However, the increases in divorce, which was legalised in 1996 (a 500 per cent increase between 1986 and 2006) is the highest in Europe, with 200,000 people in Ireland now divorced or separated.

[bestraongforyou]

I will be less available from now on that's for sure.

[P17]

I will be less available from now on that's for sure.

Also end every contact yourself - if you're speaking to him, end it first. If he texts, end it first. If he emails, end it first.

If he calls, answer or return every 2nd to 3rd call.

If he texts, wait as long as you can, preferably a day or two before answering if you can. Post the texts here and get advice before responding.

If emails, do the same as for texts.

Don't engage in R talk.

Don't engage in any arguing.

he will try and suck you into arguing. Ignore it, bypass it go around it. Don't respond to it or acknowledge it in ANY way.

I see this 'communication' stage as a power struggle. It's very important for your own sanity to win that struggle. He will hate it and he will resist it but you must persevere and win.

[bestraongforyou]

ok, I will do that

[bestraongforyou]

Here I have a first question actually - he would send me a text every sunday, which would be tomorrow, which says: can you get the boys to call me today"

We would usually handle it that way as it's cheaper to call from our landline to his mobile phone then the other way around? How do I handle this?


Oh by the way he doesn't know how to say "please", ever

[newmama]

IMO the boys should not have to be a part of your DB strategy...
go ahead and let them call him but you don't have to talk!!!


I didn't realize you lived in Ireland. Was divorce illegal because many people are Catholic?

[bestraongforyou]

yes I think so - you could legally separate but that was it.
And now it takes years (4-5) years to divorce - you have lots of people here who are married to one person and engaged already to another at the same time because of the length of a divorce procedure.