Go ahead and vent, we can understand how you feel.
Remember, to not take things Personally. Our minds will take us to these 'stories' like the one you describe. Those thoughts are what bring the sadness and pain. Why we do this, I don't know yet, as I do the same.
They are a fantasy in our own head, and ultimately it is ourselves who hurt us most deeply, especially with story times like these.
Look at the facts. You don't know what the true story is, an probably can't. It could be the worst, or it could be nothing. We expect the worst.
If it is the worst, what can you do? It's the worst from your perspective, because of where you are. Your STBXW is not doing things 'to' you, she is doing things for herself. How we choose to view them and accept or not accept things is how much pain they will cause us.
Acceptance of how we feel about things is the only way you can then move past them. Strength from knowing you are hurt, sad, in pain and then accepting that it is so is the power to then look to ourselves and know it is truly us inside where that pain comes from and not the actions of another..
The darned hardest thing to do..
I hope you find strength, peace, honor today and to regain the focus on yourself to move forward.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Lotus, gnosis, bobbi jo, cutter, mo3, Gypsy, IWITW, & Kelly.
Thank you all so much for your kind commiserating and suggestions.
I am okay. I am leaping and bounding ahead in detachment, but that one year anniversary overwhelmed me. I was unable to distract, change routine at all that day, hence my just going hog-wild and going over every hurt, disillusionment, betrayal and disappointment in a good, long Year In Review with God.
I am so exhausted right now, I am misspelling and correcting almost every word, so I will sign off now and check in with you all tomorrow.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
If you do find proof that that counselor is seeing your STBX you should turn it into the state and file a smalll claims case -- to get your money back -- and then take the filings to the local newspaper. They'd love a story like that.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
All I can say is un-freaking-believable. If the counselor did that he should have his license yanked. Damn! That is harsh...
Am filing complaint with NASW National Association Of Social Workers. They've appointed me an advocate. Advocate believes there are 3 blatant counts of violating Standards and Ethics and 2 of Misrepresentation of Services, and one called Precipitous Separation,which translates to him saying "Get out of here,"ending counseling without winding it down gradually and/or referring me to other counselor.
Originally Posted By: BobbiJo
Are you really going to go by his house??? I can't judge, had I known where ow lived I may have done the same back in the day. But in the end, just knowing I thought he was with her, told me that he was...
I am and I did. Almost freaked. Saw STBXW's car, (a very unique, unmistakable car) but as I approached it and saw different plate #, I remembered MC saying he had the exact same car. Where I am now, is I think they did, but no longer are. I don't know why, my gut feeling just changed is all.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Thank you, iwantittowork. Wise words. I appreciate them. I'm doing better and better, it's just that that "anniversary date" of her moving out set me off. It was cathartic (though God may be a bit miffed at me me for some of the things I had to say to Him!)
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I am so sorry that your holiday will not be a pleasant one this year. I wish I could take the pain away.
Thanks, but I plan on having a great holiday. I have many abundances and loved ones. Thanksgiving was bittersweet, but good. very good. Starting more and more to find the good and ignore the bad.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
