A Choice

[patpat]

Hello all,
Here is my story. I met my wife in middle school (1980), we quickly became an item. I knew I loved her the moment I saw her. I knew we would be together for life. We married in 1994, after struggling thru college, short tour in the Army and many travels. We have a child(18), and have otherwise been very happy. We are an interracial couple and have had issues with this from the day we met with her side of the family. We never really have dealt with these issues.
My wife and I are already separated, she is staying with her girlfriend. We have just been separated for several weeks 11/10/09. We have been having some problems lately. She says that I am belittling to her, say hateful things about her fam, and smoother her constantly. She says that I am very demanding, controling and she has not been allow to grow as an individual within the relationship. She states this has been going on for years. IT IS ALL TRUE... I was blind to my actions. Things actually seemed normal to me. We do not argue alot, disagree often, and her family on ocassion has interfered in our marriage (my opinion). When she left, I was devastated.
It has been several weeks and we really are not comunicating. There has been some, but very little. She has only removed her dailies from the house (some clothes, make up etc...) and as we still share bills and a cat and a dog, she stops by to pick up the mail, play with the animals etc... while I am at work. I do not see her often either.
She mention an EA on 12/1/09 after I asked her if she was seeing anybody. On 12/5/09 agin mentioned it went from a EA to a PA after I asked her. My friends say I should drop her. But I know that both of us have caused each other hurt. We have both said things out of anger and prob did not mean them. When she left, she said she loved me but was not in love with me. Ouch... but I am still very much in love with her.
We are both christians, but she has pulled away. I have been getting help with my outbursts and internal defects and have made major changes in my life with regards to my attitude and how I look at my relationship.
For starters, I have accepted responsibility for my actions. I have been in counciling and working thru my issues. I have given my life to the LORD and have a strong faith there will be resolve. I started 1 year ago on this journey realizing that I need to change to save my marriage. I saw the signs, she really did not have to tell me. And it has been difficult. But I am a better man today than I have ever been in my life. Today, I like ME. I not longer get angry, I slow down and think before speaking and have learned to listen. Seems like little too late sometimes but I am getting there. I have realized the servere verbal abuse I have put my W thru and have repented for these sins against God, and have confessed them to my W. Everybody at work, friends in the community and even my W have noticed the changes and all have stated how much they have noticed the new and improved me. It will be a life long journey and one I am proud to take.
Anyway, still most of my friends (only the close ones that know of the PA) have told me to get out. That I do not need her. By having a PA, she has done the worst damage to our relationship. But after approx 29 years of knowing and loving each other and 15 years of marriage, I had to agree with them that I do not need her. BUT I choose her.
My friends think I am stupid for wanting to save my marriage. I know I do not need her. I will be fine on my own. Very capable as we all are once we get past the initial fear of change, but still I choose her. She is who and what I want most in my life. Flawed or not. I believe we can work thru this when (if ever) she decides she is willing to try. I have time. I will wait this one out. Any advice???