Now that he is back you may want to try another tactic if you don't want to directly confront....
Goes like this...
From this point on start acting distant. In your own little world. Don't seek him out for anything. Just go quiet on him. This may take a week or two, but it sets up your talk to him.. Start doing other things apart from him. If you pass him in the house just keep on walking in your own little world. You don't act mean or mad. It is just a quiet distance.
You are WAITING for HIM to wonder what is going on in YOUR mind. You need for him to ask you something like.."what it up with you"... your answer is.."oh nothing, just doing some thinking, I have a lot on my mind"......
You wait this out until he asks you again what is up.
You THEN give him this type of prepared speech...
"Well, I have been doing some thinking. Here is what I have decided. I have seen you move out and then move back in. Not a word from you about what is going on with us and your certainly don't make much of an effort to make this marriage better. Your kids are scared you are going to leave again, you don't tell them when you are going or when you will be home and you don't give me the sense that you really want to be here with me."
(NOW for the important part of the speech)....."I have decided (and say it exactly with those words of "I HAVE DECIDED) that isn't what I WANT. I don't want a man that can't or won't be a partner and I most certainly don't want a man that just up and leaves and comes and goes as he pleases. So, I have decided that I think it would be best if you found another place. The sooner the better. I won't live like this anymore. Maybe go back to your sisters or whatever. I would like you to be out within two weeks."
And then tell him that is all you have to say and walk away. Thre is nothing more to talk about. He may call you and think you are bluffing. It is my firm belief that you MUST follow through on what you told him. You need to put him through a crisis of major proportions. He either steps up to the plate or you are moving on down the road....
Remember, I told you that your fear could paralyze you. You can not let this man keep intimidating you. You have to take charge and be strong. The whold relationship can be turned around with a tough stance here. Being a weak doormat isn't working. He will just keep coming and going as he pleases UNTIL YOU make a stand. You can't force him to be what you want him to be. However by letting him believe you are letting him go and maybe even wanting him to ge, you will have a chance to put him through his much needed crisis about what is really important to him.
Be strong. If he says he will leave after your speech, then LET HIM. Call his bluff. Do not live this way. Better to know now.
