I need help please

[P17]

But why is he hurt? Didn't he get everything he wanted? His freedom?

He is hurt because he has betrayed you, broken up his family, hurt the woman he loved and become what he hates. If you did all of this would you not be hurt - hurt by yourself?

It felt like he made me feel safe for 2 months by being nice and then attacking me again - why in god's name?

What did you do in those two months? And I don't mean to him, I mean in your behaviours?

Ok I have spent money and he didn't like my business but that's it - I have never cheated or hurt him in any other way - I love this man with all my heart, always have.

I need the proof for me - all I have so far is proof of the woman he dated after we split and it really looks like it only started after we split

You said if you went to C he was going to come clean about the A? Is this the A you want to know about?

I want to know the reason he split in the first place - I need to know how much of our marriage was fake in the first place - I went off the pill since our youngest was born 8 years ago and WH had a huge fight with me about going on the pill again and going off condoms - that was September 08 - I want to know if he had sex with someone else since then - and then go for a STD test

I think you have to ask yourself this question - do you REALLY want to know this stuff? Think about what it will do to you if you do know. Why not act like it is all true and take actions based on that (ie. the STD test etc.)?

Remember what he tells you about 'why you split in the first place' is unlikely, in my limited experience, to be true. He probably doesn't know himself or will use the usual 'I fell out of love with you', 'I was papering over the cracks' (my W liked to use this one), 'I lost trust in you' ... yada yada yada.

the problem I have is guessing his passsword of his secret email account as I don't know when he created it. It could be there for years.

If he has a secret email account that would tell me pretty much everything I needed to know. I asked W if I could see her phone, at the start, to prove she wasn't having an affair and she said ... no. What does that tell you?

Ask him for the password? He can only say no. Although if he thinks you don't know about it you will be showing him your cards.