Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

Now, S12 just called me and said that M was angry with him for telling me things. He was scared, and said that M was going to take cell phone away from him. I just tried to call S12 cell, straight to voicemail. Called home phone - no answer. SHE is punishing him for what SHE did. He said to me - "Dad, you always told me not to lie-do I lie for M?" Broke my heart. God knows what she is doing to him-yelling/blaming. I talked to him before that and told him, that it wasn't his fault-no matter what. I told him to call me as soon as he could after she got home.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

He was scared, and said that M was going to take cell phone away from him. I just tried to call S12 cell, straight to voicemail. Called home phone - no answer. SHE is punishing him for what SHE did. He said to me - "Dad, you always told me not to lie-do I lie for M?" Broke my heart. God knows what she is doing to him-yelling/blaming. I talked to him before that and told him, that it wasn't his fault-no matter what. I told him to call me as soon as he could after she got home.

Man, that just broke my heart.

Puppy

[SoldierDad]

Ya, me too Puppy. I have tried 10 times on home phone-she won't answer, let him answer. Also, W lied to BIL about whereabouts-I called to verify her story at her work-complete lie. Everything this woman says right now is a complete lie. I don't want to take this woman back, she is an evil nasty snake. She is mad at my S for what SHE is doing!!! Imagine that-blaming her own S, and not me!!! Someone please tell me that they have seen something like this before-please tell me this is normal...

[SoldierDad]

I don't think I want to DB when I get home. I think I am going to do whatever it takes to get my boys away from her. I am not sure what i can do in 2 short weeks, but I am going to do whatever I can to protect my boys. I hate everything about this woman right now, and my hate for her grows more and more each passing day. I am not happy, and I don't see how I will be happy for the next 60-90 days.

[bluerain]

Im sorry SD, this woman is behaving pretty poorly right now. I think that if you follow the DB principles, it will help you to not behave in a way that is unhealthy. Even if you arent wanting to bust your divorce, it will help you to maintain control and make good choices.

Isnt your PI supposed to be on the job right now?

Hey, I have a question- if my (technically) H makes 1692 BAH, and all he does is make the house payment (950), does that mean that he should be giving me more help?

[Watcher]

bluerain makes a good point, won't your PI have the details on her activities that night? It is better to keep your cool, even if you don't want to stay married. A level head will get you further and be more devastating to her(if that is what you decide)in the long run.

And the answer is yes to the "have you seen the W leaving the kids alone before", but no to the endangerment of someone else's child. The WAS can justify just about any action to keep their fantasy going. But I think this is a serious breech of trust in just about anyones book.

Keep your cool and be ready for her, I believe you just got the upper hand!

[SoldierDad]

bluerain, I would contact your closest JAG for that info, I am not qualified to really give you an answer, and I would feel awful if I gave you the WRONG answer.
Watcher, PI is tonight. I had to pick 2 nights-due to money. She just sent me an e-mail 9:30 at night telling me she was going to the store, she did that because she thinks I am keeping tabs on her-so we'll see. Ya, she has already told 3 lies about last night-including to her B. She also threatened me about contacting her job. Now when I contacted her job, all I did was ask if there was a certain event last night, or tonight-no mention of my W name, just a general inquiry. Haven't heard from S12, but that is because she took his cell away. I know he feels bad, being in the middle of all this. S15, is indifferent to the whole thing. He thinks it is great that M goes out-that way he is in charge of house and can do whatever he wants to. There are NO rules at my house right now, and that breaks my heart. Also, S15, has ignored some of the things I have asked him to do around the house. I have set a boundary, but he is almost acting the same way as his M. I will square that away when I get back next week. Anyone have any suggestions on where I go from here? I am calm now, and have gotten over the intiial blast wave from last night, but I still feel for my boys. Thanks.

[SoldierDad]

I don't know what to do. My W has completely shut me off from my boys. I feel helpless. She has just gotten nastier and nastier, ever since I started this. I don't want her back, I just want all of this to be over with. I want my boys with me, so that I can give them the warm, loving, disciplined home they deserve. I am completely out of control, and I don't know if I will ever regain control of myself. This weekend should have been great, instead, it made an already bad situation-worse. I am starting to feel depressed, with a twinge of anxiety, due to the unknown of all of this. I know I can't control the unknown, and I know I have to be prepared for anything. The only thing is, after this weekend, I am not sure how to prepare for what is happening in my home. I have 4 days to figure out what I am doing. I have 4 days to come up with a solution for what my W is doing to my kids. I have 4 days, until the proverbial $hit hits the fan...

[Frosty Michael]

SD,

I can't imagine how out of control you must feel with regards to your children. But even if there aren't solutions for your marriage right now, there are solutions for you and your job as a father. Focus on everything that you can and will do to start showing your W she can't get away with her nonsense parenting.

[SoldierDad]

The thing is, I don't care about the M anymore. I am done. My sole focus, my sole purpose in my life right now is to take care of my boys, and make sure they have a safe, loving, disciplined home. Everything else takes a back seat. It is obvious that my W has her own agenda, and is in no way shape or form, in the right frame of mind to take care of herself, let alone our boys. I find it shameful that she is acting this way, and am embarrased that she is my W...