Ups and Downs

[shellshockedga]

EB, I dont have great advice to offer as I pulled the plug on my M and decided to file last week. I was done with the two house situation. I didn't come from a divorced family, but knew through the experience of others what you were telling your WAS. I even had those exact conversations with my WAS. Didn't matter. They are so blinded by fantasy/fog that they can't get it. Just know that you have people here to support you and are thinking of you and your sitch. Continue to be the best Dad you can. It shows how much you love your S and that is what is important. I can tell you from recent experience that over time the feelings you have will go away. You will focus more on daily activities and those needs of your S.

I love your phrase "I have no interest in being married to one of the cool kids in school." That is such a PERFECT description of my sitch. Hey, I have been married almost 19 years, can't we just be ourselves? Why the need to go back and pretend to be something you are not? I am not sure if you see this with your WAS, but everytime I see mine, I think how tired she looks and I just wonder how she can live that kind of life and what enjoyment she gets out of it. I guess that is where she and i diverged. I would rather spend time with my family, do outdoor activities, sports etc. and she would rather pretend she is still in college again. I realized a few weeks ago, that I like being 42. Its a great age and I like acting in an age appropriate manor. I wonder if your WAS and mine will ever come out of it. I suspect the divorce will happen in my sitch first.

I will add that I continue to work through Coach's 2 parallel path plan. I filed because I could no longer continue being treated so disrespectfully. However, I am also continuing to work on making me a better person. I think your questioning whether you could go back are healthy and your comment that much would have to change is spot on. It is clear from this forum that those changes can and do occur. So keep thinking positive.

GIMA's last line about Thoughts=>Emotions so spot on. When I began thinking I was OK without WAS (at least version 2.0) my emotions changed. Then I knew I had dropped the rope and was ready for whatever came my way. I was ready to take control and not be that doormat anymore. And I did take control. Try refoucusing your thoughts on what you want and need. You will see a change. Your emotions will change. You will feel better. Your WAS will notice that change, but even if she doesn't, it will be better for you and S5.

One thought on your 2 house (1 HOME) sitch. Can you all do a week on/week off? Not sure if job sitch allows it, but in my sitch, I have found that has really given me an incredible sensse of closeness with my Ss. Now my sitch differs in that right now I will not allow my kids to go to her place. Where I live is HOME. So I travel for work on off weeks and can let her come into the house while I am gone. I do NOT recommend this and was told by numerous follks that it is not a good sitch. But for reasons not appropriate for this forum, it was the right thing to do for me. Anyway, maybe that would give your S more stability than spending time in different places everyother night?

Finally, and I know this has been long, when your S is at her house, make a plan that you call everynight at a specific time to talk to him and wish him a good night. You probably have already thought of that, but I have watched my WAS NOT do that and it is really painfully for my s10. s12 doesnt care - he is too cool for WAS. LOL. But, it makes a difference. In almost twenty years of traveling for work, I never miss calling unless i am in an airplane. Your s will really apreciate it and look forward to it. Plus, it has the added benefit of never letting him loose touch of you. He hears your voice everyday.

You will do it. Be tough.