Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

Oh I forgot P17

The next few rounds of NC breaking attempts will most likely be of the anger or I am in control of you style.

Once those fail.

They will fail.

She will come at you with politness and being nice and sweet.

So step one. Anger and force P17 out of Plan B
Step two. Sweet talk you out of it.

COUNT on it.

Puppy

I've read before about this, it's different hearing it in your own thread. I'm not sure WHY they do this? Is it purely for control and no other reason (ie. they have no control over their own lives / sitch so they have to control others)?

[newmama]

I think they try to contact you bc 1) they miss you! and 2)they're scared to lose you--what if you are actually serious about this?

I know NC is supposed to be for the BS BUT I'm curious to know how successful it is in getting the WS to make a decision? (as a side effect)
(btw I have not had the best of luck using the quote function!)

[Arwen_in_NJ]

P-
You are assuming they think logically. Rationally. That they even KNOW the reasons why they are doing the things they do.

THEY DON'T.

They act from emotions, and that means their behavior changes from day to day.

Sent from my mobile phone- sorry for any misxspollingz.

[Day by Day]

You are assuming they think logically. Rationally. That they even KNOW the reasons why they are doing the things they do.

THEY DON'T.

They act from emotions, and that means their behavior changes from day to day.

Makes sense to me although they don't.

[Gnosis]

I know NC is supposed to be for the BS BUT I'm curious to know how successful it is in getting the WS to make a decision?

In the beginning: Not very. Because LBS spends every minute obsessing and thinking about the WAS instead of getting busy and GAL for themselves.

[chatterbug]

Plan B is not about WAS making a decision. It is not that at all. People who enter Plan B need to enter it thinking the marriage is over and that they need to grieve that loss. Its about healing and getting back some self respect. Its about coming to grips with the betrayal of your life , marriage , past , present and future. Its about removing yourself from the mental abuse of the adultery. Protecting your family. Protecting yourself.

Plan B is also about keeping that last little love you have left for WAS tucked away somewhere in your heart. For one day you may need it. Again I say may need it. Because you still need to live your life. Plan B gives you this chance to heal and grow. Paitence is what is required during this stage of healing.

[avermont]

Great posting on Plan B, cutterbug.

I think I am moving into: it is over. R is over. Move on, build myself. Find those single gal pals that pearlharbr recommended. Accept the situation as it is.

The Buddhist take is: pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Suffering is fighting against the sitch you find yourself in. It's the "I don't want it to be this way! no!" instead of embracing the suck, as Puppy says.

So I am working on: it is what it is. I accept it. I don't like it, but I accept it.

The big step I still have to really accept is that I want to go on with life. The pain is so great that I really would prefer to just drop dead. So it is a lot of mental work to try and believe everyone who tells me it will get better, and I will eventually be glad I didn't just drop dead.

Keep riding the roller coaster, I guess.

[P17]

A little update.

Was having a breakfast with a friend and her partner this morning. Partner works in the same store as W.

He let slip that he had heard two members of W's staff talking about her:

1. She's bossy since 'that' happened (not sure what 'that' was, assume it's the split).

2. They wish she would leave and go elsewhere.

3. She's changed.

Number 2 is a big bombshell. Her staff used to all love her!

More proof she's changed. As I've said before many times, the sun used to shine out of my W's backside for everybody. Now they are seeing a different, unlikeable, side.

Yes, I told them I didn't want to hear anymore about her but this one came out.

[chatterbug]

Also remember. People will be honest with you about things they did not like about your wife since they see you two as being seperate now.

Just listen and later reflect on those comments.

[P17]

Also remember. People will be honest with you about things they did not like about your wife since they see you two as being seperate now.

Just listen and later reflect on those comments.

That I have noticed. Everything people have told me about W, since the split, has been, without question, negative! Having your friends tell you they never liked her was a little strange ...