I am just worried what he is telling other people - after the first set of nasty messages from him 2 days ago about the mortgage I texted him yesterday if he knew when hee would be home for X-Mas(that was before the phone call) - I nearly fell off my chair when I read it: "I don't know I should have been ome next week but you seem intent on keeping me away so maybe I can't get home for X-Mas either." So I sent a reply back totally shocked:"You can't be serious" And that's the reply I got: " I am really afraid it's you not being serious. You took money that was not yours without asking and I am not serious.You really need to get a grip."
Sorry, I did laugh at this bit. I know it's not funny for you, but from the outside he is. Have a look at those texts again after you have had a chance to digest them.
Do you know what I see when I read them? Somebody who wnats attention and a big kid:
" .. but you seem intent on keeping me away so maybe I can't get home for X-Mas either"
Oh, poor him. You big nasty woman you. You are keeping away for Xmas by, err, you know, em ... hmm. A bit childish.
"I am really afraid it's you not being serious. You took money that was not yours without asking and I am not serious.You really need to get a grip"
If the money was in the joint account it's, ahem, yours too. You also took it to pay for a mortgage on his house. Again, a little bit childish. If he had a pram, the toys would be out of it.
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I then called him as I had enough...
You should have ignored him. Let him play his games. If you wanted to say anything you should have texted back that you wanted him home for Xmas. You used the money to pay the mortgage. But it's up to him. Full stop. Let him deal with it. By responding you are pandering to him. Think of him like a child ... when a child cries it does it because it knows mummy will come. When mummy doesn't come, it will stop eventually. In his case he will also wonder why you are ignoring him. Let him cry. Don't go to him.
One of the best bits of advice I got on here was when the WAS sends you a text, leave it for at the very minimum a few hours, before you respond. This allows you to respond without emotion and gives you a chance to digest it. He will also start to wonder why you haven't responded as quickly as usual ... it's a 180.
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Who is this man? I am afraid he will tell his family now that I am keeping him away from our boys - i just don't know what to do
Speak to them first. Tell them you know this situation is difficult for everybody but you want to keep the kids in touch with their family, ALL of their family, and especially their dad. Don't get into a discussion about the R with them, or what H has done. If they try to drag it that way just tell them it's tough for both of you and leave it at that. Don't be drawn into it. Stick to the discussion about the kids.
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I can't go NC with him yet as I still need his email password to proof his infidelity and I need him in the house for that over X-Mas so he can use my laptop.
Why do you need proof? Is this for the D?
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This is nothing like my husband or maybe I must have been blind for 9 years or maybe he is a good actor and this is his real character, I don't know.
You should come and look at my wife if you think you are the only one to experience this. It's normal.
To let you know about my W, she is the COMPLETE opposite of what she was. And I mean COMPLETE. She is mean, nasty, cold, defensive, bossy, short (in words and tone not stature :)). She is with a man who is unlikely to want kids, had abandoned his own two, smokes (she's allergic to smoke), drinks, is 11 years older than her and is probably into drugs. Before the A she was always criticising the number of A's going on at her work and how terrible it was ... BINGO!
Your H is probably pretty much the same.
Remember his behaviour, just like that of my W, is borne out of hurt (read his texts again - that is a hurt man), guilt (read the texts - that is a man who is talking out of guilt and that is probably also why he is hurt) and upset. One day he will realise he has become everything he hates ... if he doesn't, he has truly moved over so far to the 'dark side' that you will never reach him, but that is not your fault. If he does, he will no doubt realise that he has become everything he hates.
Last edited by P17; 12/05/0906:54 PM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
