Suppose the oracle of delphi were to answer the question: Is SSM's wife participating in a freely chosen, happy, unresented, open M? The answer would be NO. Face it. Face yourself.
Be honest with W and quit you cheap, self-preserving, selfish excuses. It takes about 10 seconds for you to say to W: "W I have chosen to have sex outside our M and I have had sex outside the M." You can even email it to her.
As I think I've said several times already, I have already told her that. At this point, she doesn't want to know the details. Neither of us is "happy" about the situation. Otherwise I'd not even be posting here.
Had I taken the advise to "divorce if you're going to fool around", everybody would say I kept my integrity intact, no matter how much more pain that caused everyone. Apparently, divorce is always less painful and more honorable. Really?
Oh, I think I see the logic. If I divorce, fool around, and then remarry, it would all be clean and kosher, and I'd have my integrity, and if that hurt the kids and my wife just as much, it wouldn't matter because I kept my integrity and honor. Don't you see we're working through a problem? Sure, we are essentially divorced in the sense of intimacy. And so, as some of you have suggested, my marriage is a sham. Well, if we got divorced, is that the way to fix it, just because it then semantically eliminates the applicability of the phrase (your marriage is a sham)? No marriage, no sham. Got it.
I don't understand the lack of focus on the actual problem, rather than on our IRS and property legal status as indicated by paperwork filed with the government. If you are having a loving sexual relationship with someone, and you cheat on that partner with someone else, you don't keep your honor and integrity intact simply because you are not married to that person. But as I understand it from some people on this forum, the marital status is what makes the difference. I don't agree with that.
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As far as the teenagers, probably 15 year olds having sex isn't really good for them. Another important distinction is that THEY AREN'T MARRIED.
Well, now, which way are you trying to make the argument? That sex is not recommended for 15-year-olds? Or that casual sex among 15-year-olds is OK because theyre NOT married? And they therefore keep their honor and integrity intact?
And to put on my international smugness cap, I find it a curious mixed message about "sex out of wedlock" in America. I hear that everyone should wait to have sex until marriage. And then I also hear that it's OK to have casual sex with multiple partners because you're not married.
