She must be seeing a lawyer...what now?

[Awoken]

Well, i took some action last night. I hope it wasn't the completely wrong thing to do.

I was supposed to go to a xmas party but I was so upset/distraught that I just couldn't do it. I left the house early to avoid W, to avoid confronting her with my anger. Ran some errands, went to the book store, made the previous two posts her on DB. I was getting worse, so I went to the park, took a long walk, cried my head off, breathed, and then prayed for guidance.

After a while, I just decide to just let go of some of this stuff. I realize that I've been somehow trying to punish my W, and that shes lost and I'm gone have to be stronger for my family. If I continue the way I have, the sitch is going to spiral into an all out war, and I don't see that helping at all.
I got calmer than I've been in a long while.

So, I drive home and ask W if she'll talk with me for a few minutes and that I promise I'll be calm. She says, ok and we retreat away from the kids into the masterbedroom. I asked her if she was still %100 percent committed to a D, and she replied that she had'nt actually retained a lawyer yet. I then said that I had notice that all of my hardcopies schedules for my business were gone, and that I had checked up on the Lawyer she's been consulting. Based on the missing records, and the lawyers reputation, it looked to me like she was preparing for a very contentious divorce. I then said, I want you to know that I think a bitter divorce war will be terrible for all of us, especially the kids. It will cost a fortune for both of us, and there will far less money left over for the kids or either of us.
I then said, I don't want that kind of divorce and I'm willing to consider anything that is in the best interest of the kids.

She started crying and grabbed me for a long hug. She says she knows her L is a shark, but that they know she doesn't have much money and her parents aren't paying for the D, and she would like to consider a collaborative D.

She says that she crys every morning, and misses talking to me. I tell her I'm sorry she is in so much pain. I tell her I know I've been mean to her, while I've been trying to detach and that I've been doing my best. I told her I don't want a D, but at this point I'm willing to move on. We just have to figure out how.

She mentions several ideas shes had about how I can move out of the house, and matter of factly point out how each one of them will affect us both financially, without saying no to them. She says that she is seeing a financial planner next week to see about refinancing the house. I know this is'nt realy true, and the guy she is seeing is really the shark cpa. She also starts in about how she thinks it would easier for me if there actually was OM to blame this on. I remained calm, and just let it go. My goal is to get a non-contentious D.

We laid on the bed together for some more small talk, and then I went back downstairs for some time working on music with D13.

She decides to go out for a couple of hours.

Overall, I feel better about the direction. But I'm curious if any of you think I made a big mistake. Right now, it feels like a better direct than the contentious chaos of the last 6 weeks.
Don't get me wrong, I still feel just awful, but at least I'm calmer.