I think sometimes our WAS are short-term thinkers, just thinking on how things will affect them today, but not the future. Last year when we were figuring out Christmas, I was supposed to have it, but I specifically told X that I wanted him to spend Christmas eve with the kids, thinking ahead to this year and knowing then I would have it this year! I don't think our WAS think like that: they just live in the moment maybe.
I think your compromise with S8 was a good one. You did allow him some logical consequences, and warned him they would be more next time. I think compromising with the holidays was a good one too, taking the high road and all that.
I think one thing is that both our WAS seem to think their way of parenting is the only preferred method, but I really think most kids do fine, as long as you're not too much on the extreme. You said what they taught in my discipline class in college (for education). You should strive to not be overly permissive or authoritarian, but somewhere in the middle of that. You should feel good about your parenting!
And your X loves to point fingers at you, but putting you in the middle with your S' and making you say no was not good parenting imo. She should have told your S5 no, it's your night to be with your dad. My D10 has activities with friends (like a chrismtas activity with her chorus friends today) but I told her, no it's your time with your dad, you need to spend time with your dad. And she knows that and is fine with that. I think that's def. an issue (on your long list) for the parenting coordinator that she needs to stop encouraging that behavior of S5. You did the right thing by sticking to the schedule, and your sons will respect you for that when they are older.
