I called to talk S after sending my email last night. I made a point to talk to W in a social way. ( I haven't said more than a few more words to her since she moved out last week). It was nice to just talk to her trying 5 or 10 minutes about TV shows.
She did take exception to my email, but we didn't dwell on it too much.
I find myself essentially indifferent to her at this point though. I feel very little for her. Occasionally I feel sad. Sometimes I feel resentment. Mostly I have realized that this version of he is not who I want to be married to. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have my family together again, but a lot would have to change. A lot would have to be addressed. I have no interest in being married to someone who is still trying to be one of the "cool kids" in school.
EB,
You are correct to see that there are a lot of concerns YOU have about her - and to question whether you would even want the current version of your W. I think that is a necessary stage in this process. It's healthy. Continue to explore that. And while you do, assess your self worth. I suspect you will find that you deserve better, either a new and improved W (should she come out of the fog) or someone else.
The feelings of resentment are understandable as well. I still have them. And what I usually find is that they have nothing to do with what my W is or is not doing (may be a little different where you are). Instead, I find my resentment happens when an unreasonable expectation (W isn't acting like my W) doesn't get met. Which is really a problem I am having with ME, not W. Why should I expect my W to act like my W right now - she wants to leave me, or at least that's what she has said.
Once you can identify the thought/expectation within yourself that is causing the resentment, then you can deal with it. Change your thoughts, change your emotions.
