It all sounds pretty fab stuff Stu! Sandi sure was a big help, keep at it, acting "as if" soon becomes "if" once you start enjoying it and wanting to do more.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
STU321: I read thru your sitch and saw a lot of similarities with mine. The conversations with your W, her responses, your reactions, your ups and downs.
I have learned more with each thread I read. Yours was my most recent. You sound much improved compared to your first posts. I read the entire front start to finish, what a difference. Keep up the great work.
I'm still having problems trying to work on my detachment.
The girl that has been flirting with me wants to go out for a coffee one night. She is really nice, we have common interests and she is easy to talk to. She is in a similar position to me, but she is the WAS. She walked away 3 years ago and her ex did all the things everyone on here is saying not to do. Pursuing , begging etc and she said it pushed her further away.
I guess I'm in 2 minds about going. I sort of feel like I'd be cheating, but if my W doesn't change her mind, I don't want to miss the opportunity of getting to know someone better.
Also, I'm not sure what impact it will have on my M and my W. I went out last night with one of my W's cousins ( who I get on better with than what she does) and he still can't believe what is happening. His whole family is shocked.
At this stage I see no progress with my W and I know it's only been a short time.
W called me last night. She asked again about taking our son to Carols in the domain, but this time told me it was on Saturday night (a night that I have him). I said if it was Friday night, then it would be fine, but I already have plans with him for Saturday night. I think she was expecting me to give in. I didn't, and she sounded dissapointed.
When we realised that we both wanted to do things with him on the same night, there was a long pause. She then said "this is a tricky one". I didn't respond. After another long pause, she ended up saying, "thats ok, it's your weekend".
I felt good, as normally I would give in, but it is my weekend and I had already made plans. I can't let her think that she will get whatever she wants now. I don't think I am being difficult, as I said, if we had no plans, I wouldn't think twice about it.
I was just re reading your post and something has stood out.
Quote:
However, she is looking for another man to do that very thing for her!
How can there be any hope if a waw is looking for another man?
I've done no pursuing over the last couple of weeks and made little contact with her. I guess it's frustrating not seeing any progress. She has made no effort to contact me unless it was to do with our son, the house or Christmas.
Just spoke to W. She gave me a run down on our son. She seems to think he is doing well and coping with things.
She has said that he keeps asking who will be the dad when he is with her and who will be the mum when he is with me.
She said that he'll be fine, and he will get used to it. That he is well balanced and will have no problems with our seperation.
I'm glad for that, but it also means to me that she is content with being seperated. She also made some comments about the house (like, don't get the gas bottles, we'll get a small one so we can test everything to make sure it is fine so when we sell, we'll have peace of mind)
This is so much harder than I thought. I don't know whether I should just give up or not. I'm starting to lean towards giving up.
She has also stopped using our surname on her voicemail. They have new phones at work and I called to see how our sons leg was (he fell over at school) and she only used her first name in her message.
We had our sons school concert. It was only for about 40 minutes, but we had an enjoyable time. She kissed me hello and goodbye which she hasn't done in ages (granted it was on the cheek, but I wasn't even getting that before)
We chatted for a while before it started, and we had a few laughs. No tense moments at all which was great. I got there early, so I saved hewr a seat and we were right in the front row. She loved it so she could get a good view of our son.
She sat very close to me and had no problems wispering things to me. I made sure that I didn't get too close to her though incase she moved away.
I told her that she looked relaxed and it suited her, that she looked good. She said thankyou, and then continued to say that things have slowed down at work, and she is more relaxed now.
Now, I know what everyone is going to say. "Don't get your hopes up" and I'm not, but it felt good knowing she seemed comfortable around me. I need that if I'm to have any chance on saving our marriage.
The way I see it, is if she feels comfortable around me, she may be more receptive to going out for coffee in the future. This I would see as a baby step. At least it would give me a chance.
In the mean time, I'm going to continue with what I'm doing. I'm actually buying a guitar soon as I've always wanted to learn how to play it, and a mate will be teaching me. I think it will be relaxing as well.
If I could have more moments like today with her, I think there may be a chance. It will take time, but I guess anything worth having is worth fighting and waiting for. Like that saying goes "Good things come to people who wait"
Hi Stu, what did you decide to do about the girl who asked you to coffee? I think that its kind of dangerous to go. She might be able to use it in court against you. Not to mention the fact that she might be hoping to find someone serious, and you really arent prepared to be in a serious relationship. Now, that being said... Going to coffee isnt really that serious, and just because you go out and have fun with someone, doesnt mean that you are obligated to get super serious with her.
I guess Im of two minds about you going too!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
At the same time, I have had 2 others ask me out. Great for my confidance, but not what I really want.
I don't want to give them false hope either. I don't want to mess with their heads. One if them actually started off by telling me her problems. I pretty much used db'ing as an option for them (but not to get her ex back, but to get her ex more involved in their sons life, but it had the opposite effect. She thought I was a genius and wanted to get to know me more by the end of the conversation.
