So the immediate question is how to respond to his email re: Christmas. A related issue is how and when to tell him I am moving out.
No response. Total silence. You don't tell him you are moving out. End of story. If you truly care about yourself and want to stop the abuse, then do it. You can't be abused if you refuse to play.
We can analyze this forever, but are wasting time. HERE is what this is all about...
Quote:
I did a little internet searching and found out that a female business colleague he had pursued, unsuccessfully, 10 years ago was at the event. When H and I were just pals, he had told me how he had been obsessed with her and pursued her for a couple of years until she finally had to tell him, "look I really like you as a friend but that's all." It wasn't until she got a steady BF that he gave up.
You didn't LISTEN to him. He even told you this was the woman that tripped his trigger. There is nothing else to analyze. He wants her and never stopped wanting her. I would think that maybe you don't want to admit that because it would hurt your feelings. I believe it is the truth of this whole mess. There is nothing you can do if he feels this way about her EXCEPT to let him see that you WANT him out of your life. The only way he may come back to you is if he can't have her, but DO you want that? If so, then hang in there.
You are overanalyzing this. This is about the woman he was and may still be obsessed with. It isn't about you. You seem to be obsessed with him as he is to her. I would think that you would undersand then HIS feelings of not wanting someone else. Why don't YOU want someone else? Why can't you get over him? Do you not see the similarities? His feelings are his feelings. When he didn't have her and she dumpled him, he probably secretly never stopped thinking about her. YOU are his fallback if that doesn't work out.
I would hope that you stop analyzing this to death. Go cold turkey no contact on him unless he steps up to the plate and puts in some effort. If not I believe that you are wasting your time with him.
