libby, Your h has made choices that fit his needs at this time. They are for him. Therefore, your choices at this time will be for you and your children. I think it's a wonderful idea to go and select your tree and put it up. You can't wait on him to do anything or be a part of the family traditions.
This is now your time do what you need to do and yes, pull out that list you stowed away many years ago, of things that you would like to do but didn't have time to do.
Go dim, detached and live your life.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
