ok, P17, I think I get it. NC is to help the BS detach, heal and prepare for either outcome. I don't see it as allowing me to move on with my life entirely because NC is still limbo!
NC isn't limbo. Again this is just from what I see of it.
In fact NC is the opposite of limbo. Limbo is living at standstill waiting for the WAS to make a decision. NC allows you to get time for YOU and for you to heal, prepare and GAL. It allows you to do that in isolation of the WAS so that you get the time to heal without interruption.
My case, in my opinion, is the classic explanation of this for me.
W came over once a week or so to see D. I had a bad day before she came around (sometimes 2), the day she came around was bad, the day after, then I had a couple of good days in between and then back to bad again. I got 1-2 days per week to heal and 5 days of pain. You can't heal like that. I needed to heal in isolation of WAS so I had 2 good days, then 3, then 4 until I got to have mainly good days. My situation was living in limbo (nothing changing).
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
P17, that's the best explanation I've read of what NC is for. I think I get it now and will be able to implement it much easier. Makes it easier to detach after reading that.
Think I need to print it out and post it on a mirror.
M40, H39 M17 T20 D13, S12 H moved out 05/09 D filed 1/10
NC is no contact. I will agree on that. And I won't be able to do it with my situation.
So I decorated the tree and the mantle yesterday with no stockings yet. WH came over and said nothing about either. He is usually an observant person and notices small details. Later, he and I watched the football game so he stayed an hour later than normal. No major incidents. My team won!!! WHen he left he reminded me he would see us on Saturda. I said ok. See you later! and headed up to bed.
Today he texts me to let me know he does have plans the same Saturday night that I wanted him to watch our son. He asked me to ask his SIL or he would see if he could change his.
He goes on to say that he wants me to get out. He knows I get stuck in the house and he appreciates all I do for our son.
So I ask his SIL, she says yes. I text WH back and tell him she can watch him and then add that she said she is available most fri or sat nights for the future, too.
It sure didn't sound like he thinks I am going on a date! I'm not but I never gave him any indication to think I wasn't! I just said "out from 6 to 10ish."
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I won't be putting up stockings on the mantle this year. I don't want a reminder of H not being here.
Try not to mind read that he doesn't think you are going on a date. At least he knows that you will not have your plans messed up on wknds if he can't watch your son. You will still be going out GAL!!
M40, H39 M17 T20 D13, S12 H moved out 05/09 D filed 1/10
good point, daybyday...it is at least telling him I am ready to start planning "things" on fri or sat nights!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
He is getting "brown nosy" again...via texts... just got back from visiting his sister, mom, grandma, cousin, nephews...they were all at my SIL's house. Just made me realize how we will be connected for life no matter what happens because of our son.
They support me at least, and I make it a point to try to look good, act strong and cheerful so it's obvious this isn't destroying me.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
WH took our son over there around 7. I went back to sleep and slept longer than I wanted to, then watched a little TV, had breakfast, worked out (not as long as I wanted but just wasn't feeling it). I checked the calendar schedule and it said 7-12. When we talked, it said 7-1.
I texted him with this question b/c I was trying to decide if I should go to the store before they came back. He replied "12. I am gradually increasing it to make it easier."
Wow, what an honorable man! (sarcasm)
He came back, I was in the shower. I came downstairs and he was feeding our boy. He said he chose the green beans so I could give him the fruit at dinner. He bathed our baby and I came in to check on him. He said that it was nice of me to take our son to see everyone yesterday. Then he asked me to pick out an outfit for our boy to wear.
I told him we would be going to the store, then visiting my grandma. He asked if I needed anything else and then said he'd see us tomorrow, have a good evening! I just said "ok, see you tomorrow."
Sorry, nothing exciting. I plan tomorrow to just be gone as much as possible for the 12-5 time he is here. This is going to be a long month....
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
