When he asked you about your relationship and what your thoughts were about christmas, why not tell him that it would have been nice if he were home for christmas,
Have you read anything I've written? The guy has treated me like sh*t for the last 4 months, probably because of an OW.
What was he hoping to get out of that relationship that he couldn't get from you?
What if he needed constant attention, having everything his way and the chemical romance that is particular to new relationships?
Is she to jump through hoops trying to accommodate that?
The further I get in this process, the more I realize that the proof is in the pudding. Sometimes people end up where they want to be regardless of who they married. Meaning, based on my priorities and my values, I am sticking by my kids and my H is circling the globe seeking stimulation, adulation, attention, etc. He has wants that no single woman could accommodate without being a serious sh*t-eater. As it stands, I have happily cultivated my more impulsive side and how to have more fun. But, I'm not gonna abandon my kids and jump on his train.
I have no idea if this is making sense.
It is perfectly fine for people on these boards to determine that their spouses expectations are just not reachable or conducive to bringing us happiness.
So, because the H throws a little breadcrumb about Christmas, doesn't mean Dudess wants to jump on it and cosign that H having whatever he wants whenever he wants is A-okay. This is always tough to figure out. How available am I for the good stuff, if you refuse to co-handle the tough stuff? I am working that out for myself.
I would have to agree w/Rob. (Not that I blame you....), But you don't sound like you want to be married to him either!
Fairly short marriage, no kids, long distance R, and a lack of desire to want to be together (on both sides).
Could be that my posts of late have presented a very one sided picture. I also realize that I was not posting here much during the time last year when things were going very well between us. I am here because I still have some hope that I might have a good marriage with this man. (Oh, and it is not a long distance relationship. He does not live elsewhere. We have only been apart these past 4 months.) It is a relatively short marriage, but it is a 9 year relationship. There is a lot of history there.
Oh, course I don't want to be married to someone who cancels vacations because he became obssessed with someone else. That's not the man I married. Isn't something similar true for many people here? They do want their spouse, but not if their spouse is going to keep screwing someone else?
The man I married was my favorite person to talk to, and I was his. We had lots of fun together. We had passionate, frequent sex. He is very intelligent, interesting, knowledgeable. He makes me laugh a lot. We have a lot in common in many ways. That's the guy I married.
But he began to treat me differently as soon as we married. I don't know exactly what that is about. I do think that his renewed obsession with the unattainable woman may be a clue. Did he lose interest because he 'caught me"? Based on some things I said, Gucci seemed to think my H really goes for the hard to get woman, and suggested I give him that challenge in a big way.
What was he hoping to get out of that relationship that he couldn't get from you?
What if he needed constant attention, having everything his way and the chemical romance that is particular to new relationships?
I would say that mine wanted something that no committed, intimate relationship can deliver - no responsibilities, no real life stuff to take care of, not having to take the other person in to account, no effort put in to sustaining the good stuff, and never ever any displeasure with anything he does.
In other words, if he were to get in a relationship with her, she can't deliver it either. No one can. I don't think he grasps that a committed, intimate relationship can actually deliver so much more.
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
Sometimes people end up where they want to be regardless of who they married. Meaning, based on my priorities and my values, I am sticking by my kids and my H is circling the globe seeking stimulation, adulation, attention, etc.
If we had children, I don't doubt that the same thing would be happening here. As it is, I would have been completely moved out by now except that I won't abandon my step-dog.
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
So, because the H throws a little breadcrumb about Christmas, doesn't mean Dudess wants to jump on it and cosign that H having whatever he wants whenever he wants is A-okay.
I didn't even see it as him throwing me a breadcrumb. He didn't say, "I would like to spend Christmas with you but I don't know how you feel about that." He asked what I wanted rather than risk saying what he wants.
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
This is always tough to figure out. How available am I for the good stuff, if you refuse to co-handle the tough stuff? I am working that out for myself.
This has been a tough balancing act for me too. Then it got worse. I did all the work to get this trip together, and was available for the good stuff, - and he is the only one who got the good stuff. I stayed home and picked up dog poop.
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
Rambling, I am again...
Your rambling usually makes a lot of sense to me A & K. Our husbands seem to both be mezmerized by a certain glamourous lifestyle. Ironic that my H said he loved how down to earth and unpretentious I am.
