ClingingToHope has a point. I have also experienced that if I don't do battle with some things that it doesn't become what I had feared. In other words, if you do not fight your W, then she may decide that having to handle teenagers by herself is not what she "really" wanted at all. She may be more than happy for dad to have them more than she planned.
I think that so many people who want a D use the kids as a weapon to hurt the other S. So as hard as it may be in the beginning......if you were to act as if you were fine with things, then she may settle down after her steam runs out.
This may sound a lot different than how I suggested you talk to her the other night, but it is simply a different approach in how you have to deal with the reality of your situation with finances. If the children were a lot smaller, then you "might" think about taking out loans, etc, but after all is said & done.....I'll bet you get to see the kids a good deal of the time. It will be especially hard in the beginning, but a lot of that will be b/c of "everything" combined in the stitch that you're adjusting to.
You know, if you would drop the rope around her and move on with your life, there is always a possibility that she'll change her mind about a D.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
