So, if I was to ask your W, she would say: "Yes, I am fully aware that my H has sex outside of our M?"
Well, first of all, she'd be chagrined that you know, because she expects me to keep quiet about it. And image is important to her. In fact, I asked her what she tells her gynecologist, because he knows she's married and isn't using birth control. And she tells him we use condoms. So she doesn't even want other people, not even her doctor, to know we have a sexless marriage.
So she wouldn't want to answer the question, and would consider it none of your business.
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Then why in the world would it not already be that you aren't operating under option (1), a freely chosen, happy, unresented, open M????
Because she doesn't want to know the details. But you could say it's there. But sitting down and talking about it is exactly what she doesn't want to do. Everyone here assumes she's willing to just sit down and talk about stuff, and my point is that's not the case. That's the biggest problem I've had for a long time.
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You have a very strange form of arrogance SSM. Your case is not special. Your knowledge is not special. Your inappropriate sexual talks with women outside your M are not special. You'd be hard pressed to find a man who doesn't understand that clitoral stimulation is important. Hard pressed to find a lonely sex-starved man who hasn't had frank sexual discussions with lonely women.
And, of course, stopping fcking others won't fix your M. But there is no chance of developing real physical/emotional intimacy with your W as long as you continue to screw others and feel justified doing it. Ridiculous. Tragic. Common. Pathetic. Indecent. Cruel. Ordinary. Childish. Egocentric. Stunted. Foolish. And those are the friendly words.
Yeah, that might be the case, strange arrogance and all. And I take my part of the responsibility. It's been very tough for me to stay totally celibate at this point, after so many years of it. It's not a justification, but contributing to it is the fact that I put off sex until marriage, thinking I'll have plenty then. And then that was almost dry through most of the years. And now, at the gut level, I'm basically hearing that I'm a total piece of crap for even considering having sex with anybody except the one person who refuses to have it with me, unless I break up my family. OK, I know, all this integrity and stuff. Great, I suppose you could say I've kind of hit the mid-life-crisis motivation, at least in the sexual sense, as the thought occurs to me that with a small number of more decades like this, and following everyone's advice to work on the marriage and stay celibate some more, I could well go to my grave with the words "Never had sex but kept his integrity intact!" on my tombstone. Big whoopteedooo! What a thrill that honor is.
So, you could say I've waited too long and been too patient with my wife, and put myself in the situation where when I hear somebody tell me I need to be patient, faithful (meaning celibate) some more, I kind of hit the limit. I look around, and I see people 1/3 my age having lots of sex with impunity, and I haven't even had a lot of common sexual experiences even once in my life, and I'm basically told that nope, I'm still not allowed to, and I'm a piece of crap if I try to have sex with anybody on this planet. If I try with my wife, she gets hysterical. If I try with somebody else, I'm a total piece of crap. Unless, of course, I split up my family, my property, announce to everyone in the world what's going one, etc. etc. Great options. And if the teenage down the street has sex with a bunch of his/her friends, NO PROBLEM, that's expected! Nice.
Not a justification. Maybe not even an explanation. Maybe just venting, but boy it feels good.
