W & I met and worked together beginning 1/98. We began dating then. W became pregnant 7/98.
Had a quick wedding M in mid 11/1993 because I found out I was relocating at the end of the month across country. I was sent away for school for 5 months, then reported to work on the opposite coast. My job was not secure until the 1 yr mark so the W waited until that happened to join me. S born 3/94.
W & S joined me 11/4. Very rough start financially. We had communication problems and had difficulty addressing them throuhout the marriage. My job was not traditional and my hours changed radically for the next several years. I was working extra hrs to make ends meet so we had limited time together as well as a tight budget. We have a few friends/couples in our social circle.
D born 2/98. My A happened in 7/1998.
My perception, based upon actins, children were now 1st priority,, she became physically unappealing, physically distant. Very few nights out together (1 or 2 every 2 months).
We begin MC. I had never been. She had been in IC for many years prior to marriage. I was uncomfortable with the idea of MC.. stereotypes, plus I wasn't a person who could discuss his feelings open and honestly. Saw one, W was not impressed with. Went to 2nd, she was comfortable with the C..
The people I work for(very high stress/physically demanding job) sent me routinely on 30 day work assignments out of state. I was sent away about every 3rd month. About the 4th trip, met OW out one night, she gave me her #, I called her a few days later. I felt lonely, sexually frustrated, unappreciated.. Began as a fling, then EA quickly to PA and lasted for 3 weeks. I returned home.
Emailed, phone calls to OW.
Denied A in counseling.
30 days later I went away again, met up, continued the PA for 4 weeks. Returned home. Emails, phone calls continued.
Denied A in counseling
30 days later I went away again. After 3 days W calls, She knows about the A... issues ultimatum to return home. I go.
I arrive, W upset, crying asking why, details, etc... I tried my best to apologize. We went to MC to discuss my A. My perception, I didn't resolve much in MC and felt like I was going thru the motions. Counseling was a foreign concept to me, I did not recognize the value/benefits... I take anti depressants for my first time... stop them after 6 weeks because I did not like the way the made me feel..
My opinion, We reconcil with not much of a game plan strategy for building a healthy marriage. Some techniques are used but they fade as time goes by and we slip back into bad communication, relationship behaviors. Life continues. I try to make ammends for the grief I had caused, so I offer minimal resistance when W requests $/things/ etc... I try to keep showing her I'm sorry by giving her things
D#2 born 6/1999
W has always stated a desire to move back closer to family. Opportunity in 2002 comes for me to get within 150 miles of home. We move back cross country.
From 02 to 07 we struggle with communication/ connection issues. Intimacy frequency drops very low and that was a big argument between us. W complains I don't spend enough time with the kids, help out.. During this time period, my job was not as expected and a absolutely hated EVERY SINGLE DAY! I am out of town now for 3-4 nights a WEEK! Bigger social group of friends here..We begin seeing a new MC...
W begins hanging out with new girlfriends over this time period. Partying increases, alcohol increases (W was a child Alcohoic). Fighting increases, my suspicions rise, I ask but get a denial.
11/07 W out partying one night, not home by 4am, I go outside to look for her and she is drunk asleep in the driveway with the engine on. I bring her inside, huge argument begins.. I ask what is going on, W denies. She goes on a rant how she hates me, hates her marriage and is angry with me, I need to GAL etc.... she goes to sleep. I check her phone and get I discover the Txt msgs, calls.
I find out there is OM. Confront her, she tells me she is in love with OM. I do not give her the response W expected and W adds that ths isn't the first, W then states she had a one night stand after my affair to help her get over mine. That night I tell W to end it with the OM.. she says she would.
I move out 3 days later. She stays with kids. I begin seeing IC. Depressed/anxious/Sad beyond words description... NC for about 4 weeks. I start taking care of myself.. I begin taking different anti depressents again.
IC was very helpful with me GAL. Got me working on myself again..
After 2 more weeks, I meet a woman and saw her for 4 weeks. W finds out, appears remorseful and says she wants to work on things. I break off with GF and stay on my own for a few months and W asks me to return home.. We both go see my C as a couple... I start searching for a new job..
I move back in after 4 months (Mar 08). 3 months later W gets fired from her job. 1 month later, I get an offer 800 miles away. We agree that I take it and begin planning a move.
I arrive in Oct/08, kids and W follow 01/09.
Everything appears normal, kids doing ok.. W finds a great job. We buy a new home 02/09 then 04/09 BOMB. ILYBNILWY. I want a divorce, I'm not happy.....
