Thanks for your post, I went and read some of your threads and yes you are right here we are at Christmas losing the ones we love. We are so concerned for them but yet so hurt by them. To be going through this a second time at same time of year has got to be emotionally gut wrenching. I am glad your girls are with you and I know it will be a good break to have some down and alone time because the rollercoaster of emotions is exhaustive and deterimental to our psyche.
I know after all this time I barely know what to expect from H from hour to hour and your posts indicate you are going through the same cycles. I do think it is best they sort these things out alone and live alone to see or try out what they think they are missing.
Reading many posts I feel comforted that many are going through the same behaviors and crazy cycles but I noticed in your post the comments how H can be completely normal or the way they used to behave and it can feel just so good. These times are special and I always thought they would mean a turn around of his attitude - but they were not and so I began to just cherish them. I feel sometimes being intimate feels right but have learned for right now it does not mean for me what it means for him - someday though maybe he will realize being intimate and yourself around someone you love is pretty good. That is the way I view life, content with simply things and for H that is not enough. At least that is what he believes.
I plan to validate his feelings, letting him know again this is not what I want, but that I love him and will set him free.
I sent another post before this one stating H is being thrown under the bus by family and friends as he tells the news that it actually almost makes me feel sorry for him. Why? With all his childish behavior I've almost come to view him as my child and I think I am trying to protect him sometimes from his fantasy life. So as you can tell dealing with doormat behavior, detaching and the final date plus divorce my emotions are all over the place.
I guess in some way I just cannot grasp H is finally leaving so maybe I have some denial also. It would just be so cool to have that one cool line to deliver (like in the movie Casablanca) to keep him reeling as he left - any ideas?
Well for right now I know my misery loves company and I am getting so much strength from all of you and I have grown and I have changed and the changes are for me and I like them. I am just looking forward to a day when I don't dread hearing bad news.
I could keep rambling but won't right now. I am thinking of you and sending positive wishes your direction.
My dad lives in Highlands Ranch and I could use a visit and some Colorado sunshine. Just checking if you live in the vicinity?
P.S. I had to accept a beautiful flower deliver today for, I am sorry to say, one of the meanest owners here, I could not believe this cotton headed ninnymuggins was getting these lovely orchids and I am getting a divorce! I just started laughing - go rent the movie Elf and you'll know why I called her that name. Go get a massage with the girls, go have a girls day this weekend. I am going to shop for a new couch, one that I like and have always wanted.
Michele M 42 H 41 Together 23 yrs. M 16 yrs D in process H leaving, moving out Dec. 9th
