There is no chance for your M to improve while you are screwing other women and lying to your W about it. Try this on for size:
I hear you, but it's certainly not the cause of our problem (not saying you're saying that) or our biggest problem. She already knows, but doesn't want any details. If you say that not forcing every detail on her is being dishonest, then sure, by that definition I'm dishonest. If she demanded to know everything, I'd tell her.
No matter how much I eliminate all these other issues, the solid unchangeable reality we hit is her issues around physical participation in sex. Sure, you could say it has to do with me somehow, and I'll accept that. But note that we have been on romantic vacation many times, including when I had been celibate for years, and we had a great time, and she was quite happy and expressive about everything -- but avoided sex. She loves dancing, even close dancing. But totally avoids sex only an hour later back at the hotel. Explain that? Certainly not due to what you highlight as an issue, especially since this behavior has been the same throughout these years.
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BTW, I seriously doubt you are having sex with women who are experiencing real orgasms. Very few women would orgasm through straight intercourse, especially with a relative stranger. For other types of stimulation, it takes time for sexual partners to learn each others bodies for most women to experience reliable orgasms. So, what you are seeing is a lot of women faking orgasms.
A lot? I wish! I'd take even fake orgasms, or none at all too. I'm not having nearly as much sex, not even close, as you seem to imply.
And I'm well aware of the intercourse vs. clitoral stimulation and orgasms for women. I may have little experience, but my book knowledge is good. In fact, I've given advice to many women and couples about just this issue. My issue is wanting to experience for myself what I've preached!
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There are a lot of f'ed up reasons do this, from self-esteem, to getting bad sex over with quickly, to pumping you up, to trying to feel good by emulating a porn ideal, to simply doing what is expected of them by society. So, you can quit using the excuse of trying to get sexually educated to better please women through casual sexual hook-ups. What you will learn is how to be a selfish user who thinks he is better in bed than he is. And surely that is not good for anyone.
I hear what you're saying. And it's really quite good advice for many men. I'm probably somewhat different. I can just hear the "smug" comments coming. But I've been told I'm different in this regard in that I'm very easy to talk to in person. And though it's harder to define exactly, I realize in retrospect that I've probably had many near-emotional affairs (if not outright), with spirited conversations about our sexualities, perhaps as a safe substitute for actually having physical sex. And as a result of all that conversation and honesty, women have wanted to take it to the next step, and I've chickened out. But lots of honesty there, and I learned a lot from women that's been very helpful.
I kind of wish I had had a lot more of the kind of superficial sex you're talking about, with women acting as porn stars to pump me up. It really does sound good from where I'm sitting. [/quote]
