ssmguy you said: "If I try exactly what you suggest, the essential element being persistence, she avoids giving an answer by increasingly stating that my "sexual harrassment" of her on this issue (and she's used exactly those words when our relationship was rockier on this matter in the past) is making her hysterical and feeling unsafe, to the point where she's going to have to leave the house for a while."
And then....?
And then she what.....pouted and acted aloof?
And....?
So what if she is accusing you of sexual abuse, being that this is rediculous? If you persist and she leaves the house, so what? What would happen next? She'd come home and you would tell her you will not tolerate the abuse SHE is laying on YOU by accusing you of sexual harrasment. So she cries and gets hysterical and leaves the house again. So....then what?
I know that when you are in those moment with her and she gets hysterical, it is upsetting and frightening to you and you just want it to be over.
but...that is exactly what she is counting on by throwing such a fit. You have children, you should know that sometimes people of ALL AGES will throw a tantrum and call you a big, fat meanie. Do you then stop your direct dealing with your child just because they currently consider you a big, fat meanie? What is the particular HARM you believe will happen to you or to her by her hysteria?
If she goes hysterical about it again, what I would do is tell her you are going to call 911 for an ambulance because you are worried for her OWN MENTAL safety, being that she is the one throwing a wild, violent fit. Tell her you are worried she needs immediate psychiatric help if she is exhibiting hysteria simply because you are stating your boundary. Tell her that no amount of her telling you that you are sexually harrassing her will make it true or make you believe that of yourself.
