SSM: W, I have been lying to you and betraying you and our M for a long time. I've had a lot of sex outside our marriage with a lot of women. I've been fooling myself that it is OK with you. I've been fooling myself that this is acceptable rather than despicable behavior. Now I'm out of denial. I will no longer treat myself, you, our marriage, our children, or those women others so shamefully. But, I will not live a celibate existence for very long at all. This leaves us three options: (1) have an honest and freely chosen open marriage in which extramarital sex is allowed without deceit or resentment; (2) divorce; (3) include physical intimacy and sex in our M. What are your thoughts about these three options?
W: I'll consider what you've said.
SSM: That will be fine. In one week if you have not come back to me with your thoughts, I will start pursuing divorce, as it is the only option I can pursue alone.
W: Is that a threat? An ultimatum?
SSM: My boundary is that I will not live a celibate life. I am taking steps so that I can live my non-celibate life with integrity. I'd like you to be my partner in that, but if you choose not to be, I will accept that.
