You are like talking to a bag of hammers. DQ has told you what to do. So have many others. Here I will give you the words again. Print this out and read it to your wife.
I got it. And I'm not trying to be a bag of hammers here, but it boils down to the details of how you execute that. I have said exactly that to my wife on several occasions, and her response is better than the smoothest politician. Something like, "I understand how you feel about it, and I'll consider it." If I later ask, what is her decision, she says she needs more time, and says that she doesn't want divorce. If I really press the issue, she comes up with relatively trivial complaints about me, like something I said a few days before upset her, and that otherwise she'd actually consider having sex with me. Which I know by years of this pattern is just BS. But if I claim that's BS, then I'm a jerk for not believing her, and she certainly wouldn't want to have sex with me while I behave like a jerk. You get the picture, I'm sure, and I'm not claiming this is unusual for an SSM. But I'm not sure how to extricate myself from that flypaper without actually just declaring OK, enough of this, I'm going ahead and filing for divorce, and will stop the process ONLY if you come up with an believable response or a more concrete promise. Is that what it takes? I hate doing that, and she knows it. Because it means I would actually have to go through with it, and that it would be a likely possibility.
I guess that's what you're saying. And I hate dropping that nuke. If you call that being a coward, I'll admit it. That's a tough one.
