you also said: "She took every suggestion in this regard to be judgemental, and that I wasn't satisfied with her, and that she didn't measure up. It was impossible for me to put it in a good light."
Here is the deal: she is not measuring up to what you want, and you need to let her know that and just deal with it. She's going to cry. She's going to try to call you a pervert. These are just words. But the truth is that she is NOT measuring up. You seem to want to "not hurt her" by not enforcing this truth to her. Yet...the current situation is going to lead to divorce. Can you see how the little hurt she may feel in having to face the truth will be much easier (and possibly will lead to changing the situation) than the hurt she and you will both feel when you end up divorced because you weren't brave enough to make her face the real truth???
