ssmguy you said: "But I don't know where to begin with that with someone whose possible current issue might be that she has worked on her sexual abuse issues, but has decided not to work through it."
We keep telling you where to begin, we've said it many times. You begin by telling her that this isn't working for you, you demand a good sex life for yourself and you demand that she work with you on it, or you are leaving (eventually).
This is the one thing you haven't tried - yet you keep thinking you've "tried everything". Everyone here who has had results got them by using the approach I just suggested.
